Who's the cutest girl around?

5

2010-03-23T12:24:00.002-04:00

Hard to believe she would have been 5 over the weekend. I wonder what she would have been like. Probably would have had a cell phone by now and would have Gigi and Pa on speed dial. Probably would still have her uncles wrapped around her little finger. She would be making them take her all over the place. And just imagine the artwork she would be making for her favorite people. I'm so sad that I don't get to see 5 year old Livi.
Happy Birthday my sweetpea. Momma couldn't miss you more! Smooches

My boy

2009-10-18T11:12:00.003-04:00

Last year at this time I was anxiously awaiting the call to say your birth mom had gone into labor and I could come get your. I was also getting ready for my baby shower. I couldn't have been more excited and ready to see you, little man. Little did I know that I would get the call that very day. You came quickly and I got to hold you moments after you were born. I loved you the second I set eyes on you and couldn't wait to be your mommy.

Today you are one somewhere. It's been 11 months since I got to hold you, 11 long, lonely months. I wish I had a magic mirror into your world so I could check on you and make sure you are safe and sound. I miss you always. I wish I got to be the mommy who held you every day. Instead, I'm the mommy you'll never know you had, but the mommy who prays for you all the time. Love you so much little man.

2 years

2009-07-06T08:16:00.003-04:00

My life changed so dramatically two years ago today, to the point where it became unrecognizable to me. Two years ago I held my baby girl for the last time. Two years is a long time. But I don't like to let that day define her. My brother-in-law said something the other day that rings true for me. He said that he felt bad for people who he has met since Alivia died. He felt bad because they just feel the sadness that she died and never got to know the joy of being around her. Because to us, who got to see that smile and hear that laugh, who got to be bossed around by her and received sticker covered gifts from her, who held her and smelled her and danced in her room, she isn't just the kid who lost her battle with leukemia. She is the most amazing little ladybug we ever knew. She is funny, sweet, cuddly, smart, brave and our favorite person.
Livi, I was lucky to be your mom. I got to spend more time with you than anyone and for that I will always be so greatful. I knew every little bit of you and you are in my heart and on my mind all the time. Not a second goes by that I don't wonder what you would say if you were with me right now. I love you and miss you too much to put into words.

Happy Birthday

2009-03-20T12:07:00.002-04:00

Today you would have been 4 big girl and I know you would have helped me make your cake because (like me) you loved to bake. We miss you terribly and wish we could still hold you. Smooches from Mama and Da

From Leslie Malito Lanzilli

2009-02-27T11:23:00.002-05:00

At Seaworld as teenagers

Dear Friends and Family of Emily and James,

My name is Leslie Lanzilli. Some of you may know me by my maiden name, Leslie Malito. I am one of Emily’s oldest friends. Our families have been friends since we were born. With the blessing of Emily & James, as well as the Allen family, I am temporarily taking over Emily’s blog. Like all of you out there, I have also religiously read Emily’s blog. Her journey to motherhood has been a painful one, and that is an understatement. When I heard that Griffin had been taken away from James and Emily my heart broke again for them and I wished that there was something I could do. I am sure many of you have felt the same way. Now there is something that we can do to help them start a family.

I have started a separate website that further explains how we can help James and Emily. If you are interested in learning more please visit the site http://www.hopeforthehaugherys.blogspot.com/ . James, Emily and the Allen/Haughery extended family hold your prayers to be more dear than anything else.

Leslie Lanzilli

Malito/Allen vacation to Idlewild Park

Photo shoot

2009-01-05T13:15:00.006-05:00

When Griffin was still with us my friend Tina did a photo shoot with him. The pictures turned out amazing and I am so thankful that we have them now. I wanted to share a few of them.

It hasn't even been 2 months since he left us and each day gets harder instead of easier. I miss him terribly. We keep saying we miss our kids. I know there is a "plan" and that somehow this all works for God's good it's just hard to see sometimes. Wouldn't it be nice to get a letter in the mail that says "here is the plan. this is why this is happening" but that is what faith is. Believing in this you can't see.

Dec 24th

2008-12-24T10:45:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow is Christmas, my favorite holiday. I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Our little moose.

Our little cowgirl on her last Christmas.

2

2008-12-18T11:49:00.000-05:00

Today, somewhere, my sweet little boy is 2 months old. I can't stand not being with him today or everyday. I miss him so terribly. I just pray that he is being loved and cared for. Tomorrow is my birthday and I had such big plans for our almost shared birthdays. Oh well. I love you Griffin. More than you will ever know.

How to deal

2008-11-18T23:36:00.000-05:00

Over the last few years I have had way too much experience with grief. I have been the one grieving and the one struggling to get up each day. I have often felt like I could write a manual on how to deal with me and others who are grieving but I came across this blog today and the author did it for me. Wanted to share this with all of you and thank you for bearing with me in my grief over these last few years.

Just click here to read. I have to say I agree with most, if not all, of what she has written. Obviously I have a bit of a different experience than her since Alivia was 2 and Griffin a month but other than that we have so much in commen.

Thank you to everyone who wrote notes to Griffin. Who knows if they will even get to him but it is worth a shot. I will hopefully have all of the printed tomorrow to drop off and my case worker said she would at least get them to the birth mothers case worker. That is all we can ask for at the moment.

Idea

2008-11-18T08:14:00.000-05:00

As I lay awake feeling lost and helpless last night I kept trying to think of things to do. I know this is probably a long shot but my one idea was to ask everyone who loves Griffin to write a letter to him and tell him about your love and about how much you will miss him. Include things you were looking forward to or things you liked about this last month. Then sign it with your first name only and description of how you know James and I. If you do want to do this please do it today and then I will try to print them all out and get them to my caseworker. At the least it will be a way for Griffin to hear all your words of love one last time.

My e-mail (which will only be on here today) is emilyhaughery(at)hotmail(dot)com

Sad

2008-11-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

Today at around 11 we got another call from our case worker saying that the birth mother changed her mind again. So tomorrow at one they will come and take Griffin and he will return to his birth family. We are in shock. This last month has been such a joy and we adore our little guy. Please pray.

2 week update

2008-11-04T20:04:00.000-05:00

Griffin had his two week check up today and he is doing really well. He weighs 11 lbs 5 oz (thats over a pound more than 2 weeks ago) and is in the 98% for weight. He is 22 inches long (89% for length) and his head is 15 1/2 ( 90% ).

All in all doing great. We love him SOOOOO much and are overwhelmed that he is ours.

happy halloween

2008-10-31T10:52:00.000-04:00

from our little pumpkin to you.

Here he is

2008-10-21T19:25:00.000-04:00

Here are some of the first shots of our little man, Griffin Allen Haughery. He was born October 18th at 5:04 and weighed in at 10 lbs 1.5 ozs and is 21 inches long. His older sister (our Alivia) was 9lbs 15 ozs and 21 inches long. We are loving every second of him.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

The birth mom changed her mind AGAIN!!! We are going to pick up our baby this afternoon. We are so excited. Pray because she has 30 days to change her mind back. But we are not thinking of that and just rejoicing in this blessing.

Devastated

2008-10-19T21:54:00.000-04:00

Griffin Allen Haughery was born yesterday (Oct. 18th) at 5:04pm. He is a healthy and content baby. We instantly fell in love with all 10 lbs and 2 ounces of him. Unfortunetly, 15 min. before he was to be discharged to come home with us the birth mother changed her mind. We are so lost and undone again.

Update number 2

2008-10-09T16:29:00.000-04:00

Things in the Haughery household are moving right along. We are 3 weeks post break tomorrow and James seems to be healing nicely. He is getting around well on his crutches and has been driving for almost 2 weeks (good thing it was his left leg). Stairs are still a bit tricky and he is really looking forward to the post crutches days.

We got some exciting news this week. We have been going to classes for foster to adoption and got a call about 2 weeks ago about a birth mother. Of course we were very interested and we met her on Tuesday. She liked us and is going to give us the baby when it is born!! She had a sonogram late in the pregnancy that said it was a boy so we are super excited. She is due OCTOBER 30th (as in 21 days from today!!!) and in the past has gone early so we could have a baby in less than 3 weeks. I think I still am in shock. It definelty doesn't seem real yet. I'll keep updating and hopefully have photos to post soon.

Also, I started selling art work on-line if you would like to check it out. My site is www.emilyhaughery.etsy.com

Update

2008-09-20T21:27:00.000-04:00

James is recovering as well as can be expected for someone with such a bad break. The pain meds are keeping him drowse but not in pain so it's a fair trade. He has 46 staples, 11 screws and a steel plate. He seems to handling it okay. Just another hurdle to jump over. Here is a photo of the x-ray.

Please Pray

2008-09-13T23:20:00.000-04:00

This post is not about Alivia but instead about her Dad. Today James broke his leg pretty badly during a rugby game. Tomorrow AM (Sunday) he will have surgery to have plates put in. Both bones in the left leg are broken a few inches above the ankle. The X-ray tech said it was the worst break she has seen. James will be in the hospital (Lancaster General) till Monday. Thanks for your prayers.

Light the Night

2008-09-04T15:39:00.000-04:00

It is almost Light the Night time again. This year it is on September 18th in Harrisburgh (there are other locations but this one is the one we did last year and so we decided to go there again) It is a great night. We have raised over $1800 already!! I am so proud of our team. We are going to make a tradition of the yard sale since we were able to raise so much. If anyone wants to join us in walking please visit lightthenight.org and sign up. Our team is the Lovely Ladybugs. If you do join our team please raise $100 to contribute to the team total. It is so easy to raise that money. Just ask each of you friends for 5 dollars or have a bake sale or yard sale. Every dollar gets us one step closer to finding a cure so other kids don't suffer like Alivia did.
Here are a few shots from last years event.

Great.

2008-08-04T13:35:00.000-04:00

I want to give a great big thank you to all the yard sale helpers (Pa, Gigi, John, James, Carol, Ann, Marmie, Pete, Trish and Lisa) We couldn't have done it without you. Also a big thanks to all the people who donated items. We had an extremely busy but fruitful day. People started to stop by at 6:20 am as we were pulling the first boxes out of the garage and we had made half of the total sale before 8 am (when we officially opened for business). We were able to make $750!!! Can't wait to donate it all to the Leukemia & Lymphoma society! In 2 weeks Jackson's parents will be selling all the things we had left plus a ton of stuff they collected themselves in Lebonan. Hopefully they will be just as successful and we will be able to make a great donation. We are definetly going to make this an annual thing!

Giant Yard Sale

2008-08-01T11:26:00.001-04:00

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has dropped off items for the yard sale. We have a ton of stuff and I am very excited/busy. There is so much to prepare.

If you can please stop by the yard sale tomorrow. We have something for everyone.

All the info....

See you there.

A photo of Alivia and Jackson. All proceeds from the yard sale will go to fit leukemia and hopefully find a cure so little kids like Livi and Jackson won't have to battle this disease.

Garage Sale

2008-07-11T16:21:00.000-04:00

I mentioned a while ago that we are planning a huge garage sale at our house on August 2nd. We are going to be donating all the proceeds to the Leukemia & Lymphoma society. If you want to donate items to be sold or if you would like to make something for the bake sale that will be held at the same time let me know. We will be having a Junk drop off on July 22nd from 6pm-9pm at the parking lot of Giant/AC Moore. We will be parked on the Lititz Pike side of the parking lot with James' truck (and maybe trailer) to collect items for the garage sale. You can write this off on you taxes too. Just write a log of what you donated and the value of it and it can be used as a charitable donation. All items left at the end of the yardsale will then go to Lebonan for a second garage sale the next weekend at Jackson's parent's house. After that if anything is left it will be donated to charity. Please let me know if you are planning to drop stuff off on the 22nd or if you want to donate to the bake sale.

One Year

2008-07-06T13:49:00.000-04:00

At 2:43 today it will be one year since I held my little baby, since she took her last breath and left this world forever. Not a second has gone by that we haven't missed her, loved her and wished she was still with us. I know heaven is a wonderful place and I know she feels no pain I just wish we could have had more time. I miss being her mom more than anything. I miss the day in and day out activities. I miss waking up in the middle of the night to her cry and know that I would get to see her sweet face and rock her back to sleep. We are still undone.

Almost

2008-07-02T13:14:00.000-04:00

As you all know this Sunday is the one year anniversary of Alivia's death. It's not an easy week (obviously) but it hasn't been an easy year either. There is a site called Wordle where you put in text and it makes a picture based on how many times each word appears so I put in all the tributes writen about Livi and made a picture

It's a little blurry in this copy but the real one looks great. But I love the way it looks and I'm going to print it out when I get my printer fixed.

11 months

2008-06-07T20:57:00.000-04:00

It's been 11 months and one day now since I held my girl. I didn't post yesterday because we were doing Relay for Life. Thanks to my team for walking so much (Lisa walked over 15 miles, I walked 11 and everyone else walked around that!) I was so proud of our team. We had people walking the entire 24 hours. It is on the honor system that each team have someone walking at all times and at around 4AM the numbers dwindle pretty significantly but we still had 5 people walking. Thanks. Also, thanks to those who came out and walked to give the team a break! You saved us. We were exhausted and the breaks made such a difference. Finally, thanks to everyone who donated to support our team. We were able to raise over 2000 dollars to help find a cure for cancer! Lancaster Relay raised over 1 million dollars. Alivia would have been proud of us. We all love and miss you like crazy little ladybug.

The men in her life

2008-05-22T16:52:00.000-04:00

Not much to update about just thought it was time to put up a few pictures. Always good to see my girls adorable face. Thought I would post a few of Livi and the men in her life.

Who is that girl with the long black hair/wig? She loved wearing that thing. Proof that she let Andrew near her. She made a game of torturing him by ignoring him. I think it was mostly cause of the reaction. If you saw her face when she was "ignoring" him she always had a silly little smile. With her fan club at the Baltimore Aquarium
Besides her Da, Pa was her favorite guy.
This guy made her laugh. ALWAYS. No matter what mood she was in he walked in and she was laughing.

Last but not least her most favorite guy of all time.

10

2008-05-06T12:03:00.003-04:00

It has been 10 months since anyone called me Mama. 10 months since I held your sweet hand. 10 months since I sang to you. 10 long long months. Sometimes I still think I'll wake up and you'll be here. I wish you were here little girl. I'm glad you aren't hurting anymore but I still long for you every single day. I can't wait till the day we are together again. Till the day I can scoop you up and hold you close. Your pictures are everywhere but they are so pale in comparison to how sweet and cute you were in life. You made every day a joy from the second I knew I was pregnant with you to the moment you took your last breath. I am holding you in my heart and in my dreams. Love you.

We are walking in Livi's honor at Relay for Life. Don't forget to go click here and sponsor us so we can help keep other families from suffering like we have. When you do go to sponsor our team please select a specific team member (even if it is someone you don't know) because each team member is responsible for raising $100. Help us reach our goal.

Also, if you haven't registerd to be a bone marrow donor now is your big chance. Over the next 2 weeks the registration fee is being covered in honor of Mom's everywhere. What a great mother's day present that would be. Just click here and register to possible save someone's life.

Luminaria

2008-04-25T11:43:00.000-04:00

Here is how to purchase a luminaria for the Relay for Life.
If you go onto the website (www.lancasterrelayforlife.org) you can click on the icon on the left that says luminaria. When that pops up there is a link on that page that says 'click here to download the form', click on that and a pdf form comes up. That should have all the directions. Luminiria's are in honor or memory of someone who has had cancer. They will be surrounding the track where we walk and will stay lit all night. I will be getting one for Livi and others can get one for her too if they want.

It's that time again....

2008-04-17T16:00:00.000-04:00

This year I am the team captian for a Relay for Life team. We will be walking for 24 hours on June 6th and 7th. Okay so each of us might not be walking the full 24 hours but our team will be. This will be our first Relay and I'm excited to be part of it. All the money we raise goes to the American Cancer Society. If you are thinking of making donations this year consider sponsoring out team. Any checks can be made out to The American Cancer Society and mailed to us at Lovely Ladybugs, PO Box 374, Brownstown, PA 17508 or click here and donate online. Also if you would like to fund raise at your place or work or your school consider planning a dress down day where everyone pays $1-$5 and gets to dress down for the day. Or seeing if you can have a baseball cap day at school where each kid pays a dollar to wear a baseball cap to school.

Also if you would like to purchase a Luminaria in honor of someone you know that has died from cancer you can do so. They cost $10 and I will let you know what information you need to include with the purchase. I still need to request the forms and then I will have more information.

We are also doing Light the Night again this year. Light the Night is to benefit the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. For that we aren't asking for monetary donations. Instead we are going to hold a giant garage sale Saturday, August 2nd at our house. Before that date we will have two seperate donation days where we will go to the parking lot of Giant/ AC Moore and take donations of items to sell at the garage sale. My parents will be taking donations from people in Indiana or Pittsburgh and then bringing them to my house. Also we will take baked goods the day before at my house. So keep checking back for the dates.

Please consider donating to either or both causes. Finding a cure for cancer and leukemia would change/ save so many lives.

9

2008-04-06T13:13:00.001-04:00

For 9 months Livi and I lived in one body. We did everything together. I remember feeling missing the feeling of having her in my belly when she was born. But holding her in my arms was even better. Now she's been living in my heart for 9 months. Not nearly as good. My girl oh how I miss you. Not a day goes by that I don't think "Livi would have loved that" or "if Livi was here she would...". You are never far from my thoughts and never outside of my heart. Smooches baby.

Birthday Girl.

2008-03-20T12:42:00.000-04:00

Three years ago today, after 26 hours of labor, you entered the world. You were fat (9 lbs 15 ozs) and so unhappy that day. We were over the moon. You brought this new light into our lives, filled a hole we didn't even realize existed. You made each day fun (even the hard ones). In your life you had more hardship than most have in 60 years. And yet there was always joy, you were always sweet and rarely complained. I know had it been me in you place I would have complained but you took it all in stride.

You were (and still are) loved. Overwhelmingly. Your grandparents, great-grandmarmie, uncles, great-uncles, aunts, great (and grande) aunts, cousins, and friends loved you. but mostly you were loved by us...your momma and da. We couldn't miss you more. It hasn't gotten any easier and infact most days feels harder. We miss you smile, your laugh, your smell, you dance parties, your late night awake times, your sign language, your wiggley happy dance, your love of all things sesame street, your sweet hugs, your kisses, falling asleep with you in your bed, your ability to find the smallest crumb and pick it up, your love of seeing new things,all your silly expressing ("not grover, elmo) the way you held my face in your little hands. We long for you so much its a physical ache.

I wish you were here Livi. I love planning birthday parties and you loved opening presents. Wonder what theme we would have had this year?! The first year we did ladybugs, the second the number 2 (not cute, TWO). Last year you were in the hospital and I kept looking forward to this years birthday when we would be home and you would be well. Not the version of Home I was expecting for you.

Happy Birthday sweet girl. We love you.

February 27th

2008-02-27T17:50:00.000-05:00

One year ago today Alivia left our house for the last time. She was in a great mood and not afraid at all of what was to come (because she didn't understand). The same can not be said for the rest of us. I was terrified and so sad to leave our house that morning. I didn't know what lay ahead but knew it was going to be extremely hard. I had no idea how hard. I can't believe its been a whole year since Livi was in our house. Our big empty house. I've been missing her terribly. I watched hours of videos of her the other night. Most days I still feel shocked that I will never get to hold her again. Shocked that she isn't here. That feeling hasn't gone away. Maybe it never will.

Another Good-bye

2008-02-13T12:45:00.001-05:00

Wednesday morning another of our little friends from the hospital passed away. She was 3 and cute as a button. Whenever she was outside her room she would wear big dangly plastic clip on earings, necklaces and her mask. She was a dancer and singer. Her mother has a great sense of humor and she always made me laugh even during really hard days in the hospital. Isabel was such an amazing little girl and we could not be more sorry. Love you guys.

Seven Months

2008-02-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

It's been seven long months since I have seen this sweet face. Today Livi was joined by her sweet friend Jackson. They are probably having a ball being reunited.

2008-01-29T17:02:00.000-05:00

I spent the day with my friend Jackson today. He has relapsed again and is back in the hospital. They are keeping him comfortable. This is the worst thing a parent can go through. Please pray for Pete and Trish that they find comfort and strength. And pray for Jackson that he doesn't experience pain.

Thanks for sending me the picture Carol. (glad I didn't have to search for it)

Thanks.

2008-01-20T10:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks....
Rachel and Al- now I can be cute while I'm punching things
Carol- my house would be a mess without you
Neil and Jess- hopefully I'll be able to keep the plant alive
Sipe and Danielle
Jake- now my caffine fix will be free
Lyndon and Jamie- ahead of time for Monday
Kevin and Leslie- Can't wait to listen to my CD's
Leah- can't wait to have a weekend with all the couples complete.
Will- best gift ever!!

You guys made me laugh and I am so thankful for all of you.

Thanks Mom and Dad for getting us out of town for Christmas!!
Thanks Andy and Ann for the spa day
Thanks to our extended family for the amazingly generous Christmas gifts.
Thanks Sarah for the hat (love the colors)
Thanks to Jeremy for the weekend of watching our important things.

Welcome home Jackson!!!! So glad your tranplant went well. You amaze me little guy.

6 Months

2008-01-06T11:53:00.000-05:00

Six months ago today Alivia died. Not a second has gone by that my heart hasn't ached or that my arms haven't felt empty. I miss her so terribly.

I love you my sweet ladybug.

December 19th

2007-12-19T08:39:00.000-05:00

Today I turn 30.
I am more than ready for my 20's to be over. I am ready to start a new year.
I'm trying to be thankful today.

I'm thankful for my husband who loves me at my worst,
my parents who will do anything for me
my brothers (real and in-law) who can always make me laugh
my family who constantly showers me with love
my friends who have stood by me and let me lean hard on them
my Alivia who gave me more than I could ever imagine.

Painting

2007-12-13T11:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to Hershey to paint the window at the end of the hall. Throughout our time in the hospital I painted that window at least once a month. Sometimes I had help, sometimes I did it alone. Regardless it was an escape for me and just made such a huge difference in the way the hall looked. I went back once in October and decided the other day the hot air balloons just weren't very festive. So yesterday I replaced them with 5 cheery snowmen. I decided to do a more wintery painting than a Christmas one so I dont' have to head up the first week of January. It's strange being there. We lived there for so long. Some of our little friends are still there. THere is a little girl who's name starts with an A in Alivia's room and I almost walked in at one point. Just seemed like second nature. Like I could open that door and be right back with Livi. But she's not there. She's not here either. She's not at my parents or any of the other places she loved. The hardest part about visiting the hospital is leaving. Walking out again without her is nearly impossible. I always cry on the way home. But as long as I can I want to paint the window. It's something Alivia loved and something that makes life there a bit brighter.

I got to see Jackson's parents and grandma while I was there. I saw Jackson but only for a second as he was wheeled back from radiation. That sweet boy is having a rough, rough time of it. Pray for him as desperetly as you prayed for Alivia. I know I am. His transplant is on the 17th and there is a long, hard road ahead of them. They entered the hospital in early March, just days after we went in for transplant, endured the entire treatment for AML (which means 1 month in and a week out for 6 months), were told they were in remission for a few months and then it all came back. So they have been back in again since early November or late October and are looking at another 6-8 weeks for transplant. But there is no other option. This is the only way to cure him. So they are fighting as they always have. I'm so proud of you guys and wish I could be there with you everyday to help carry this burden somehow. I know how hard this is. I know how scary it is and how watching your child suffer ripes your heart to shreds. Know that I am a phone call away. Any time you need me please call me. I will drop anything to be with you. All my love to you and to my Jackson.

Finally I wanted to thank the few people who have still included us on our their Christmas card list. Since I'm not doing cards I didn't expect to still recieve but also didnt' realize how nice it would be to get some. So thanks Smarts, Fideli's, The Mike's and Stoppard's. I really apprecciate it.

2007-12-09T13:11:00.000-05:00

I've always wondered who reads this,
how many people read this,
where they are,
do they know me,
is this just something they stumbled across
I'm not sure this will even work because I'm so computer illiterate but if it does at least I'll get a peak at where people are reading.

Holidays

2007-12-03T16:24:00.000-05:00

THis season so far has been even harder than I thought it would be. I love Christmas and always got into it in a big way. I was always wanting to put the decorations up really early and leave them up for way too long. I baked dozens of cookies (at least 5 different kinds) and last year I sent out over 80 Christmas cards. I loved the shopping and the wrapping of gifts. Alivia was inheriting my love of Christmas. She would take an ornament off the tree, hold it up to me as if to say "look at how amazing this is" and then gentle place it back where it belonged. She loved to cook. She would sit on the counter with the bowl between her little legs and stir like crazy. Flour would fly and she would laugh. She loved singing and dancing and we would listen to Christmas carols together. She loved to sit by my big container of ribbon and "help" unravel it all while I wrapped. She loved unwrapping and was hilarious when she did it. And last year she discovered that she loved snow.

There will be no Christmas in our house this year. No tree, no carols, no cookies, no cards. Without Livi here it just doesn't seem worth it.

Bracelet

2007-11-17T12:38:00.000-05:00

While Alivia was sick we bought and sold Livi bracelets. It was so nice for me to see them on people and know that they were praying and thinking about my girl. I thought when I got my tattoo that I would take mine off because I had a more lasting reminder of my girl on my wrist. But I can't seem to take it off. I like when I still see them on people. It makes me think that they can't seem to take theirs off either. That they can't forget her or stop thinking about her. I know I can't. Every second has reminders for me, every breath.

Even More tattoos

2007-11-14T12:22:00.001-05:00

I wanted to thank Dad, Mom, Pete, Maria, Tim, Sarah, Becca, Lisa, Sonya, Chris, Will, Erin, Beth, Manda and Carol for joining James and I in permanent tributes to Livi.

More Tattoos

2007-11-05T20:25:00.000-05:00

I won't be posting the names of the owners of the tattoos to keep their privacy. These are peoples personal tributes to Livi. If you know us you'll know which tattoo belongs to which person. I'm so glad that people that loved Livi have decided to have these tributes on their bodies. It means so much to James and I.

More Tattoos

2007-11-04T14:31:00.000-05:00

Here are a few more of the tattoos to celebrate Livi's life. I personally love looking down and seeing mine.

Sad

2007-11-01T20:42:00.000-04:00

Last night I learned that our little friend Jackson's leukemia has returned. Their family was our closest friends in the hospital and we rejoiced with them when they got the news that he was in remission. Unfortunetly the leukemia has returned and Jackson will be having a bone marrow transplant in about a month. He could us all of your prayers. Also another of our friends from the hospital, Isabel learned that her leukemia returned about a week ago. I hate this disease, I hate what it does to these sweet kids. If you haven't signed up to be a bone marrow donor please do. Go to marrow.org for all the info.

Tattoo

2007-10-27T17:05:00.000-04:00

Some of us have gotten tattoos to honor Alivia. I wanted to post pictures of them. I won't be saying who they belong to but it means so much that so many of our family and friends have them.

There are a few people who have gotten them who I don't have pictures of. If you have one send me a photo. Thanks.

Mondays

2007-10-22T18:35:00.000-04:00

Mondays Alivia and I always spent the day at home especailly the last year of her life because Tuesdays were always hospital days. We did laundry, played and hung out in our PJ's most of the day. I loved Mondays. I loved the days with just us. Here are so photos from those days.

Livi always sat on my lap when I checked my e-mail. I would take pictures of her to distract her from the keyboard which was way to much fun. E-mails took forever when it was with only one finger. But it was worth it.

This is what happened to Livi's hair if we didn't take a bath. As it was a Monday my solution was a pigtail in the front and wait till bath time to try to get the knots out.

Another checking e-mail shot.

When I put the laundry away in her room I would sometimes put her in her crib. One time I decided to put all the stuffed animals she owned in with her. She had a glow worm and would make it light up and play music and dance. Her friends of course had to dance too. Just another version of the famous Livi dance party.

Somedays we didn't even do PJ's. Just a onesie and some boots. One of the cutest looks I've ever seen.

Pictures

2007-10-16T11:17:00.000-04:00

Gigi is here visiting me for a few days so I thought I would post some Livi and Gigi pictures.

Mom/Gigi was always trying to get Livi to eat new things. She would put a ton of little pieces of food in front of her in hopes that she would eat something besides jsut yogurt. This was one of the times it worked. She ate pretzels.

Christmas morning last year. Mom got Livi gloves and ear warmers with snowmen on it. Of course the little princess had try them on right away.

Before we entered the hospital we spent a ton of time cleaning. It was always worth it for Livi. Here are Gigi and Livi taking a break from the cleaning. Their sitting on our kitchen floor.

On of the million trips to the hospital. Livi probably spilled something, threw up or got too sweaty and we had to put her in a hospital gown. She and Gigi sitting on the floor of the cafeteria looking out the window.

Of course you can't have pictures of Gigi without at least one of Pa.

Pictures again

2007-10-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

More Photos...I could post pictures for the next 5 months and still not share them all. I love looking at these.

Livi got a little dog for Christmas that she could pull. She loved it and spent so much time dragging it around the living room at my parents. It never was such a big hit at home. Maybe because our floors were so uneven it was hard to pull. But at Gigi and Pa's it was the biggest hit ever.

Here is a shot from the photo shoot we did in October of 06. We had such fun. Livi enjoyed it even more once they let her be nuddie. But those pictures are just for us.

Getting smooched by her best friend. I dreamed of these two having sleep overs and trying make-up together for the first time. I dreamed of the adventures they would have.

My baby and me. Could we be any happier?!

She loved these men. She adored them in fact. And they adored her back. What fun they had. This if from Christmas last year. My parents living room has steps that come into it and it was the perfect seat for Livi. She would plop down and within seconds have people fighting over who got to sit by her. Imagine being that popular your whole life. That's how Livi was.

Pictures

2007-10-12T03:44:00.000-04:00

I wanted to post a few pictures of Livi. Just cause I miss her face.

Here is Livi when she was 6 months old. She had crazy hair that stood up all the time. Like a mini mohawk. The day after this photo was taken it stopped standing up. Glad we got the photos while it was still a mohawk. I loved that mohawk.

The queen at Hands on House dressed like...an old women maybe?! Of course she has the microphone in her hand. It was the first thing she found when we went in the dress up room and it was hard to get away from her when it was time to leave.

Putting a diaper on Kermit. She loved this game. We finally started using a duckie diaper cover because she was going through so many real diapers a day. She refused to us a diaper twice. It had to be thrown away once Kermit was done with it which usually was 2 minutes after it went on.

Livi at her best friends house. She loved going there and you can tell from the look on her face. She is probably 5 or 6 months old.

2007-10-10T13:41:00.000-04:00

I still have tributes to post (some of which people are struggling to put into words) and I will continue to do so over the next few weeks. Just wanted to take a moment to tell everyone about our Light the Night experience. Our team had a great turn out and we were able to raise over 4,000 dollars!! It was so amazing. I was truly blessed by all who contributed and thankful that we all got to walk together. There were over a thousand people there and it was an amazing night. I just wish Livi could have been there with us. She would have loved all the balloons and people to watch. There was a rememberance ceremony that really touched me. I miss her so much.

This last weekend was our 6 yr wedding anniversary and the 3 month anniversary of Livi's death. What a strange combo for us. There was a desire to celebrate our marriage but also to miss and mourn Livi. We had some friends over to help with the house (thanks Lyndon, Jamie, Matt and David) which is still a work in process. We couldn't have asked for a better present. It is hard to still not have the house done and still have to be devoting so much time to trying to finish projects we started to make the house better for Livi. I just wish the house was done so we could focus on other things. Someday. James and I got to go to a B&B in Brandywine. It was so nice and relaxing. I was talking to my dad before we left and he said that he felt ripped off because we had planned to have them stay with Livi for our anniversary. I feel ripped off too.

We are still moving along. Still trying to keep our heads above the water. In her life Livi and I were never apart for more than 4 hours. I can't believe we've been apart for 3 months. It feels like an eternity already.

From Uncle Andrew

2007-10-04T13:10:00.000-04:00

Of all the uncles, Livi made Andrew work the hardest for her affections. I'm not sure why...maybe because she knew he could handle it and wouldn't take it personally, maybe because of the reaction she got from everyone. When we would all be sitting together and she would be handing things out she would tease Andrew. She would walk towards him and we would all think she was heading for him then she would turn at the last second and get this mischevious grin on her face as we all laughed and said "oh Livi". But she said his name early. She knew him in pictures when he wasn't around and she made sure he followed her even if she wouldn't let him have a toy. I know she loved you Andrew.

I can't write a be-all, end-all, ode to Livi, because these are just words, but I'd like to take this space to say how special she was and is to me.

I wasn't real excited when I first met Livi. She was just small and didn't do much. Time passed though and her golden personality developed. And her place in my heart grew and grew until she had taken over large pockets of the entire thing.

She was very thoughtful, beautiful, warm, kind, and hilarious. We always had fun playing with her. When I'd go for a weekend in Lancaster, I'd stay on the couch in the living room. I'd wake up early and go check on Livi to see if she was up yet. Sometimes I would even be in there waiting for her to awake before Pa. Oftentimes she was still asleep and I'd wonder if it would be 'bad' for me to wake her. When she'd get up, she'd have this sweaty head and look really cute. We'd go into Pa and Gigi's room and she'd wake one of them if either was still sleeping by hitting them in the face and yelling 'Gup!'. This was funny to her (and us). Then she'd make us breakfast in her deluxe kitchen set, and she'd always take her time making sure everything was cooked just right and that the meals were prepared and presented impeccably. She'd be really creative too and put ice cream on the toast sometimes.

Then we'd just play little impromptu games all day that were always fun. Though sometimes they went on for quite a long time. Livi would take little breaks and have yogurt and some cinnamon toast. She would try to eat as little bread as possible by just picking off the buttered cinnamon and sugar. There's a picture on my parent's fridge of her eating toast and my brother and I are next to her playing guitars. She has the best look on her face and a perfect little outfit w/ little Elmo slippers. She had many cool little outfits. After some time Livi would have to take a nap, so we all became bored for those hours.

Eventually, she'd get up and the games would resume interspered with book readings and maybe a trip into town out for dinner. Having Livi at a restaurant brought a lot of attention from other patrons who enjoyed watching her and smiled. They were a little jealous too because she was with us and not them. She was a really good person to have with you. Nighttime meant more playing, maybe a bath for her, and the great nightcap: dance party hosted by Livi. Then she had to go to bed and I would miss her. Usually she didn't want to go to bed. The next day would be the same, full of laughs, hugs, and happiness.

Then I'd have to leave and it would be sad for me. Because I missed her while I was gone. She was always on my mind in between visits. I'd be having a great time at the beach with buddies, but I'd think how much more fun it would be if my little friend was here running around and exploring. I'd see a dog and think of how Livi would be excited to be here and see the dog. But I was mostly sad to leave because I was fearful of a day like this. Days when she wouldn't be around anymore. And now those are the only days we have.

Even though she is gone, she is always very close to me because she is in my heart and the hearts of my family. And good things everywhere have a touch of her, from a little wave breaking on the shore to Jerry Garcia's guitar in "Morning Dew", she is there. Alivia was a special gift from God to our family. And I feel very blessed to have known her and been in her life. The impact she has left on us is greater than anything we gave to her. I wrote a poem:

There you are again little friend
drawing on my heart
with the well crafted etches
of a graceful girl quite smart

And I wistfully recall
with luster and fond cheer
the richness and charisma
of a treasured pal so dear

But I don't know how to capture
your presence ever strong
mere words cannot express,
you're the solo in my song

So I'll try to keep my head up
and look toward brighter days
ever mindful of shared moments
all your special little ways

Little Livi Ladybug
of beauty and sweetness rife
I love you Monkey Allen
silver lining in my life

From Uncle John

2007-10-02T11:44:00.000-04:00

John spent so much time doing repetative things with Livi. Things that others might have gotten bored doing after a few minutes but not John. He was so good at pretending each time was the first time they did something (even if it was the 100th) and Livi loved him for it.

A Night That Will Never Be Forgotten

One of my favorite memories of Livi took place in the evening of Feb. 4th, 2007. I was over at James and Emily’s house to watch the Super Bowl, but could not turn down an opportunity to engage in recreation with Livi in her playroom underneath the stairs. It was only about 3 ft by 5 ft in dimension and had a forest wildlife scene painted on the walls and ceiling.

So there I am, sitting with my knees in by face and Livi is showing me all the animals she does not want me to disregard, when she hears my keys jangling in my pocket. She stops pointing at the walls and piers into my pocket. Yes, it is in fact the prize she is anticipating. Carefully she pulls them out. She knows full well from experience what these pieces of ground metal will do. Momma always jingles her keys near the ignition of her car before it starts. All Livi had to do to start her car was the same.

Once Livi has the keys out of my pocket, she goes over to her car, gets on (with a little help from myself) and jingles the keys… the car “starts” and she is off. If by off you mean moving one foot forward till she hits the closed door, then yes. That does not faze her. She continues to ride her car for about another 25 seconds and then gets off and carefully replaces the keys in my pocket. She then repeats this process again and again, with no less enthusiasm.

About one hour later, she still is having the time of her life. (That was the thing about spending time with Livi, it stood still. Whenever you were with her, time did not exist.) Then Livi replaces my keys into the pocket one more time. This time she puts them in the pocket that has the broken zipper. She tries to zip it closed but nothing happens. She is worried. If the pocket does not zip closed the keys could fall out and get lost. If that happened I would not be able to drive my car home. This she tries to express by pointing to the broken zipper and shaking her head. To calm her fears, I show her the other pocket, with the zipper that works. We then put the keys in that pocket and she resumes playing at ease, knowing my keys will not possibly fall out.

I had so much fun with Livi that night. Thank you James and Emily for letting me make more than two years worth of memories with Livi. -Uncle John

From Uncle Aaron

2007-09-28T11:56:00.000-04:00

I had a hard time picking which picture to post of Livi and Aaron. There are quite a few and all too cute. Livi was so fascinated by Aaron. Maybe because he pretended it wasn't a big deal that she payed attention or because he was always funny or because he has this special thing where kids love him. I know I love him. Livi did more than love him. She adored him.

So I've struggled to write a tribute for my neice Alivia. She meant a lot to me, if not everything, and I wasn't sure how I could only write one small paragraph about her that would give anyone who read it the smallest glimpse of how much fun, cute, funny, exciting, and so forth she was and still is to me. Moving on, this past Sunday I had the hiccups for roughly about three hiccups. It was an incredible nuisance to me despite the short duration they lasted. Like so many other things in my everyday life I thought about Alivia. She frequently had the hiccups, and instead of just having three she'd have them for a half hour or so. She'd go about whatever cute thing it was she was doing all the while hiccuping and not caring or even really noticing. Alivia didn't care about her hiccups one bit. Always overjoyed by many things, if you were entertaining which was actually incredibly hard being she was so opiniated and stubborn in the most adorable fashion, she'd continue to laugh and play and bounce everytime one of her little hiccups came out of the cuttest little mouth. I thought "how could someone so small not care about hiccups when I'm entirely bothered by them". Then I thought about how I'm often toubled and saddened about her death, Alivia is the complete opposite. Alivia couldn't be in any better place feeling any better than she does right now each moment getting even more so better by the minute. She isn't bothered that she died and she isnt' saddened or troubled by anything of her illness but she is filled with even more joy than she ever had now than here, even though I'd like to think she could have been happiest with us, since I'm selfish, she's many times over happier now. It's said that heaven is a place where nothing bad or even slightly uncomforting can happen but I know she still has her hiccups there because they weren't uncomfortable or bad here and there not there. They're just her cute little heaven hiccups.

From Uncle Chris

2007-09-26T12:17:00.000-04:00

It’s hard to fully express how I fell about losing my niece. There aren’t many words that can explain the emotions I have when I think about her and the kind of person she was.
Alivia was the first niece I ever had. I remember when she was born how I felt so happy and proud that I was the uncle of such a cute little girl. I wondered what she would think of me when she got older and if she would like me or not. As she grew it became apparent that she did like me! It was such a great feeling to know that she knew I was her uncle and that she liked that I was her uncle. Whenever she would make a present for me, like a card with stickers on it or something that she painted, I always felt so proud. She was so aware of other people and she always wanted to help them when she could or share with them something fun.
A memory I have of Alivia that I will never forget was one night when she wanted to play with me in her play closet. She didn’t want anyone else to come in; it was just her and I. We went into the closet and looked at all the little animals on the walls and she would say “oh!” when she would see one that she hadn’t before. I was saying the noises that each animal made and she really liked that. I also pointed to the animals and asked her if it was a rabbit or a bird…ect and she would say “yeah” like it was the most obvious thing ever! She was so smart. Then she rocked back and forth on her little horse and wanted to go faster. She was obviously showing me how good she was at riding the horse and I was impressed. Then she proceeded to close the door on me and I would say, “hey let me outta here!” and she would laugh and open the door for me. Then we would do it all over again. I am so glad I was able to have times like that with her and I will never forget it.

From Uncle William

2007-09-23T23:21:00.000-04:00

During Alivia's life her uncle Will took over 2,000 pictures of her. She loved when he took her picture and from you get a little glimpse of how he viewed her.

Alivia was an amazing person, not only to me but to everyone she knew. I remember taking her pictures and how she always understood what was going on. We were near the end of one long photo-shoot where she had gone through many outfit changes and locations and she was on the bed in Da and Mama's room, jumping around and laughing. I was stooped over taking pictures as fast as I could trying to catch every second of it when I noticed I could only take two more pictures. Alivia had lain down on the bed and put her hand under her chin. She knew what she was doing and she couldn't have posed more perfectly. With two pictures left I snapped the shot. That picture reminds me of everything about Alivia. The way she always knew what was happening, tracking with you, understanding you. She would make you laugh and then laugh herself, joining in on her own fun. She was also reserved, she made you prove that you cared, she wouldn't settle for someone she knew wouldn't last, she was wise in that way and I loved her for it. She was alive, even as I type this the spellcheck underlines Alivia, the first "correct" spelling is the word "Alive". She was and is alive more than ever now. I love you Alivia Rachel Haughery. William K.

Light the Night

2007-09-18T15:47:00.000-04:00

I don't want anyone to feel any pressure but I am doing a walk (along with James, my parents, brothers-in-law, nurses and friends) that benefits the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. All proceeds got to research for these details. If anyone wants to sponser us then visit my page at http://www.active.com/donate/ltnHarris/2169_emilyhaughery

You can use a credit card and sponser on-line if you would like. Thanks for considering this. Also businesses that feel like sponsering can do so.

From Pseudo Uncle Jeremy

2007-09-17T11:55:00.000-04:00

Baltimore Aquarium with John, Chris, Livi, James, Jeremy (who is an honorary or pseudo uncle) and William

- Well, lets start at the beginning, I remember the first time I saw Livi a couple weeks after she was born. She seemed so delicate and small as all baby's look like when they are born. But what I realized was this was not just a normal little baby, she redefined cuteness. I mean seriously those blue eyes that basically burned a whole into your heart whenever you looked into them (which were rare occasions, as I will explain later). The one thing that most blew me away was Livi's, above average intelligence. She was so freakin smart it was ridicules! So, that point brings me to the best memories of Livi. I think everyone to some extent experienced the "eye contact game" Livi use to play, but I think only a select few got the real full effect of the game. Livi would not look at me in the eyes to save my life, I mean seriously eye contact was not happening between us..haha. I would do EVERYTHING to some how get on her "okay you are qualified to look at me side". I would play with her...talk to her (if she let me haha)...but nothing at all seemed to work. But one day I found a spark of hope. When I had send my graduation photo to James and Emily, Livi took that thing and carried every were around the house, chewed on it and yelled at momma when she tried to take it from her. I thought I had to be on her good side now and surely she would look at me. Yeah, I could take that idea and throw it out the window. First time I saw here after that little photo caring around incident she was so shy and bashful she would not even look out the corner of her eye at me! Well, there went my only hope I was defeated.haha, but it really did not matter because I still loved Livi and loved being around her. She knew what she wanted and were she wanted everything. Livi was particular about every little detail and that made her even more cute. Livi was just being herself. I mean, something has to be special about her if four grown boys (John, Chris, William and I) fight over a little girl's attention. -

I love you Livi and will miss you so much.

Bye for now...

2007-09-11T21:53:00.000-04:00

I decided to take a few days off from the tributes to Alivia and pay my respect to the families of two amazing people who lost their battles with leukemia in the last week.

Joe Linn went to be with the Lord on Friday night. He was diagonosed with leukemia over a year ago and went through one transplant and was working towards a second. He and his wife Karen were so positive throughout their whole fight. I was constantly amazed by their joy in the midst of trial. They leaned on each other and on the Lord. They didn't complain or loss hope. Karen and I went to high school together and my mother has worked at her father's doctors office for years. We didn't know each other well but found that this disease we had in commen brought us together. I wept for Karen and Joe many times throughout their long ordeal.

Amy Wilhoite went to be with the Lord yesterday (Monday). Amy is the mother of a sweet one year old. She also went through one transplant and was awaiting another. Her road was very hard and long. I was often encouraged by her words on her blog. She lived with her eyes on heaven and was such an encouragement to me in the hospital when Livi was there. I never met Amy besides on my computer. I was hopeing for a day when I could introduce her to my Livi now I guess my Livi will introduce me to her.

I am glad that they aren't suffering anymore. I am so terribly sad for their families to be left behind. I pray that they will experience much peace, that they will be able to mourn but also remember all the joys, that they will be surrounded by people who just listen and sit with them. YOu are all in my thoughts and prayers. These next few weeks will be a whirlwind and you won't have time to think. I pray that when the activities of the next days or weeks are over that you will be overwhelmed by the Lord. That He will hold you and comfort you as no one else can. Our love to you all...

From Dedad and Nan

2007-09-10T12:21:00.000-04:00

From the moment James and Emily walked into our kitchen and threw pink candy on the counter (indicating that they were pregnant with a girl) we were delighted. After raising five sons, we were finally going to have a girl born into the Haughery clan. Alivia opened up a whole new world to us. She was so precious. We loved the times Emily would bring her over to visit in our sunroom. She always dressed her so cute. All prejudice aside, she really was extremely adorable!

One of the first things we noticed about her was her hands. From the day she was born, the way she moved her hands was very distinct. She used them intentionally and with great precision. She was more capable than many adults when handling delicate items like stickers. She would also use her hands to communicate with us. The slight raising of the hand or an open palm at the end of a stiff-arm communicated more clearly than a dozen words.

One of our favorite memories was when we took her Trick or Treating in our neighborhood. Emily dressed her up like a baby chicken and we went door to door. At first she was timid and uncertain but as she warmed up it was precious to see her excitement grow as she anticipated arriving at the doorstep of each new home. In the end she gave us all a warm, happy memory.

Perhaps the thing that stood out the most to us was her relationship with her mom. To many, Alivia was full of life. And she was irresistibly charming, funny and delightful to watch. Those qualities grew quickly because Emily interacted so deeply with her. She regularly opened the doors of social interaction for Alivia and taught her how to relate to others. As a result she became very socially aware.

She interacted with you like she knew just what you were saying (and usually did). It never felt like you were talking with a one year old or a two year old. She noticed every inflection….every detail when you were with her. When she was really looking at something, she would raise her eyebrows….as if to let more of the “thought of it” into her mind. It was so sweet. And you could see how very intelligent she was.

From the very beginning we felt a strong desire to protect her. She was delicate and beautiful. Every part of her we would die for. She could hold a whole room of adults captive in her spell. Our college age sons would do anything for her…..no matter if it made them look goofy. We would dream about what trouble any boy would have trying to date her!! Not only did she have a strong Dad, but also all those uncles to contend with!

There will never be anyone like her. We will always miss her. Until we’re with her in Heaven, we will always miss her.

Love,
Dedaddy and Nan
(Bill and Cynthia)

From Rachel K.

2007-09-07T10:29:00.000-04:00

Beautiful Alivia – this is not something I ever expected to write – not something that once crossed my mind.
I remember when you were a baby - sitting in your back yard on a blanket as your mom & I priced funny clothes for a yard sale. You played and rolled around and we made faces at you and did silly things to make you smile. It was fun to watch you eat and play because every move was so dainty and thoughtful. When Steph’s crazy puppy Stella came to visit, you watched with fascination as the dog scrambled through the house. You didn’t like messy things, but you sure did want to touch the puppy. You loved your kitchen set and making Pa and Da become your servants for endless meals. You were born to delegate and your sweet nature made everyone comply.
Usually one of a child’s first words is Mama. Not for you though. We knew you could say it, but you deliberately wouldn’t. When you wanted your mom’s attention you had an unspoken look or a certain kind of cry to let her know you needed her. You reserved a special language for her and I think you were just like your mom, iron-willed with a complex personality. In other moments, you were strong and quiet, like your dad.
As we stood at your tiny casket and felt the finality of it all, I was ever more grateful that your family graciously allowed me to be a part of those miraculous first moments.
I’m not going to lie and say that I feel it is a blessing that you died. You deserved to fully experience all that a loving family and a big wide world has to offer. Your mom was so diligent and your dad worked so hard to bring you home. You fought so hard and I’m so proud of you. It’s a bigger plan than we can comprehend so just know that we miss you. It is a blessing that you no longer suffer and you are in a better place. I am angry and sad that you had to endure that struggle, but I hope you will somehow know how much your life has impacted so many.
I’m leaving you with this letter that I wrote to you awhile ago and hoped you would open on your 10th Birthday. I hope you don’t mind that I share it. It reminds me of a happy time – a day that started off with a dance party.

Happy Birthday my darling Alivia! It’s hard to believe you’re 10 now! 10 is a great age to be. You are old enough for responsibility but you can still have lots of fun. What’s harder to believe is that as I write this letter, you haven’t even turned 1 yet! It’s September 10, 2005 and tomorrow is your church dedication. I’m on my way to Lancaster this afternoon!
I just wanted to leave you a special note to let you know how much you are loved. I was lucky enough to watch you come into the world – and it was amazing! Before you were even in your mom’s belly, your parents loved you – wondering what your personality would be like and what you would look like. I wondered too, especially when your mom was as big as a house  Knowing your parents, you probably have brothers and sisters by now. I am the oldest too, so I know that you will help your mom & dad a lot and love your brothers and sisters even when they make you mad.
I hope you will always use your brain and your heart. Be happy with who you are and remember whose you are!
I’ll be there for your dedication and I can’t wait to know you when you’re 10. I’ll be there all along the way.
Love you,
Rachel

From Erin W.

2007-09-05T11:44:00.000-04:00

Livi

I dream about Livi often, the dreams are always good, but always a little bitter sweet, waking up in reality and knowing my little friend is not hear today and won’t be tomorrow either. But those dreams cause me to be happy about the times I got to spend with Livi, and James and Emily.

I really got one of the best deals because about this time last year, I moved in to the Haughery’s house to live with them for a couple months. The first day I was there I sat in a chair in the living room, Livi was at her usual spot playing with her toys on the coffee table and she completely ignored me. For about a week any time I came into the room and did not sit in that chair, she would point at me and shake her hand, and “uh-uh, no” until I moved over to the chair (Emily would kindly tell Livi that, “Erin can sit where she wants to”). I finally I broke the routine, and Livi and I became fast friends. You could find us reading books together about farm animals, playing with her little dolls, dancing in her room, she even would let me hold and carry her sometimes – a very rare special treat because if you were not momma or da, it did not always happen. She was so particular, always knew exactly what she wanted, and defiantly a leader, not a follower and once you met Livi and fell in love with her you want to follow her.

One of favorite times at the Haughery’s was dinnertime, Livi would eat earlier and often Emily and I would wait to eat with James when he came home from work. We would eat in the living room to be with Livi, James would sit on the couch and Emily and I would sit cross-legged on the floor at the coffee table. Livi would walk back and fourth between Emily and I sitting on our laps and telling us what to eat off our plates or to take a drink. She was never annoying, always cute and just wanted to help.

The first time I came to visit Livi and Emily (and Pa and Gigi) in the hospital I wondered if Livi would be a little shy. She had not seen me for a little while because I had to wait till the critical germ period was over. The moment I walked in the room she said “En”, and handed me her special white kitty. I was shocked! That was the first time she said my name! It was so cute and funny; Emily and I kept asking her to say my name over and over, and she had this look on her face that just said, “yes, I am cute and funny and I know I am smart”. She handed me the kitty because when I lived with the Haughery’s Livi and I would read books about kitties and I would show her pictures of the two cats at my parents house in Indiana, and we would talk about visiting them together.

There was something just so special and wonderful about her, I think maybe God made her that way because he knew she would not be her long. The way she was brought so much joy to the people around her, and joy to her too. When you were in a room with her, all you wanted was to be near her.

I have such sweet memories of her from home and the hospital. At home she would let me feed her (which usually Emily was the only one allowed), sit by her in the car then by her in her hospital bed.

One time, in May, I remember I came to see Livi and Emily, and Emily was trying to write an email, and Livi needed to take a nap. Sometimes Livi would fall asleep on her own, but most of the time Emily would need to stand by her bed and rub her tummy till she fell asleep. This time Livi kept waking up and would whimper a little. Emily asked her if she would let me rub her tummy, she did and I spent 10 or 15 minutes just gently rubbing her tummy and talking quietly with her till she fell asleep. What a precious moment.

I remember the time in the hospital when Livi was unfortunately quite swollen. Emily and I remarked to each other that she was still cute. When Emily would talk Livi would talk at the same time and say “yea, uh-huh, yeah”. Emily would be talking about the color of the siding on their house or what she had for lunch and Livi would just chime in with “yea, uh-huh, yeah”, and nod her head up and down. So cute and so funny.

James and Emily are a portrait I’ve never seen a double to. They truly are absolutely amazing. James was and is unfailing in his care and love for Emily and Livi. He really would do anything to make life better and more comfortable for them. There are not many who are more kind than him. Emily was stunning in her unfailing care for Livi (out of and in the hospital). She always made life for Livi fun, relaxed, and entertaining. Emily even cared about the other children on the floor, buying them presents (pa and Gigi did that too), painting their doors, praying for them, and more, I am sure, we don’t even know about. It is no wonder Livi was always so happy; she had Emily and James as her parents.

Today, Livi helps me to understand that we were not made for this place, and our lives really our not our own.

I am so happy that I got to be around her and love her here for just a little while, a time that was to short though. Who knew that a year later, this is where we would be? It is so hard for me to understand why she had to die; I still don’t, and as I’ve heard Gigi remark, don’t think I ever will this side of heaven.

I’ll always have a heartache for Livi

Erin

From Beth

2007-09-03T11:33:00.000-04:00

I wish I had more words, better words... for Alivia. I don't think there are enough
words in existence to pay proper tribute to the cutest, sweetest, best baby girl.

Livi was the most beautiful, incredible person I have ever met. Alivia was always
full of joy that she never kept to herself but happily shared with her family and
close friends who she loved and who deeply loved her back. It was impossible
not to laugh when Livi laughed... not to smile and sense such joy when I was so
blessed to spend time with her.

I love how she lit up when someone came into the room -
Emily, James, Pa or Gigi... her blue blue eyes sparkled and she
smiled and got so excited. It's not a surprise...Emily and James - you
are incredible. I respect you and love you so very much.

Livi was particular about who she let close to her. When I went to visit James,
Emily and Alivia last summer she let me hang out, but not hold
her or pick her up... those privileges were for Momma, Da, Pa and Gigi. It was
near the Fourth of July, and I was getting ready to leave the next day to go back
home. The night before I left, we went to see fireworks. We got there early and set up
some chairs and blankets to get the best view. Livi was wearing the cutest outfit
(as always) with a little pink sweatshirt to keep warm. She was doing so well that
I decided to try and see one more time if maybe she'd let me hold her. I understood
why if she didn't, but hoped maybe she would be comfortable enough by that time...
Emily was close by and I picked sweet little Alivia up and held her. She let me hold her.
She played with the little sparkles that were sewn on the shoulder of my tshirt. Her little
fingers examining the tiny circles. My heart filled with such a sense of love. As if I
didn't already completely love her - somehow my love for Alivia just kept growing.
It never stopped. It never will.

Love you forever, Livi. Fairy god-mother, Beth

From Grande Aunt Lisa

2007-08-30T16:58:00.000-04:00

Requiem For Our Livibug
I miss Livi. I love(d) Livi. Livi’s my grandniece. I’ve struggled for a couple weeks now, trying to find the right words that would memorialize her properly. Others have done it so eloquently. Every time I sit down to do it I get nauseous and my eyes well up so that I can’t see the screen. I don’t’ want to have to be writing these words in remembrance. I’d rather be reading her a book. My mother, Marmie, should be doing this. Her comments to all the blogs just blow me away. She expresses herself so well. She misses Livi. She love(d) Livi. Livi is her great granddaughter.
Every moment with Livi was a special memory. There weren’t nearly enough of them. I only had one goal every time I would visit that child. It was to make her smile. (The same was true of Emily, when she was a baby J) As has been told before, Livi had to be won over. She didn’t’ just warm up to anyone. It was a challenge for us Pittsburgh folk, because we didn’t get to see her on a regular basis. Every time was like a re-introduction. But the key was to get down on the floor and play with her toys. If you were creative enough, you would peak her curiosity and reel her in. I remember every visit to Dave and Gretchen’s in Indiana would entail the “entourage”, meaning anywhere that Livi went, we went. Usually we would all hang in the living room and Livi would be the center of attention. (I can’t remember any “adult” conversations in our family, once Livi came into it) A lot of the toys there were ones that Emily, Andrew and Aaron had when they were tots. I had no qualms about doing silly things with Livi and the toys, and my reward was her precious little smile.
I feel cheated that we won’t get to know her as she grows up. There are so many things that people wanted to do with her as she grew. What would her interests be? Would she be a brainiac, theatrical, musical, perhaps athletic? With the various talents that Emily and James have, there’s no doubt she would have been gifted. She was already a thoughtful and smart chicklet. You shoulda seen her doing "sign". I wanted to be her eccentric old “Aunt” who takes her for rides on her motorcycle and eats hot wings with her.
Now, Livi’s angelic face peers at me in every room of my house. There are beautifully framed pro shots that Emily and James had given as presents. There are tons of polaroids that I have taken and have cherished and shared with my friends and family. My laptop screensaver is a Livi montage. It makes me smile, it makes me weep. There are sticker posters in my office. These not only contain Elmo, monkeys and Snow White, but I have cut up some of the polaroids of Livi and interspersed her image with them. Too cute! She is indelible this way as she is in our hearts and now so many have her memory inked on their skin. Maybe a lot of people aren’t aware of this, but many in the Allen/Haughery clan have chosen this way to honor Livi - tattoos. I personally have my Livibug on my inner left forearm. This permanent tribute will initiate conversations for years to come about the sweet little girl that graced our lives for such a short, but profound time. Her legacy to us is so hard to put into words, it is an emotion that can only be described as L-O-V-E. The best tribute we can give to her is to keep her in our hearts. That is a given. It would be impossible for her not to be there.
I miss her. I love(d) her. She’s my grandniece - LIVI.
by grande aunt lisa

From Lyndon and Jamie

2007-08-29T12:03:00.000-04:00

We remember the news when James and Emily announced in care group that Emily was pregnant. Over time Emily shared that she was having a baby girl. From the moment that I met Emily she talked honorably about being a mother and how excited she was to have a baby girl. I admired her strong desire to be a mother. Alivia was the first child that Lyndon could visibly see her hand or a small foot move across Emily’s stomach. One Saturday afternoon James was driving Emily around as she started to have contractions and stopped over our house on Front Street. We were excited to meet this girl who they had been waiting for. I remember it being shared at church that Alivia Rachel Haughery was born. After church we rushed over to the hospital to meet this little Alivia. I remember the smile on James’s face as he showed us Alivia. I remember holding Alivia soon after they arrived home and being amazed at her hands and tiny fingers. I remember her learning to hold onto furniture to move about the room. I remember how she listened to signing times during some dinners. We remember the times trying to hold Alivia, however she clung tightly to her parents. We remember going for walks with her and James and Emily at Long’s Park to feed the ducks. I remember going to market with Alivia and she ate the red Italian ice which turned into red lipstick for the rest of the morning. I remember how cute Alivia was when she would point at things and make you look at what she saw, it could be anything. I remember when she started to stand by herself with Emily close by during one summer party. She looked around to see if anyone was watching her. I was watching her. She was smiling and watching others watch her and was seemingly so proud. I remember going on walks down the halls at Hershey with Gigi and Emily. Alivia enjoyed going for a ride in her car. We remember how strong and brave Alivia was in the hospital stays, doctor visits, and through the transplant. We will treasure the memories that we have with Alivia. We will remember them. James and Emily you two have been parents who have laid down your lives to serve, care, and unconditionally love Alivia without reservations. This example has impacted our lives in ways your may never know. Alivia was privilege to have you two as her parents. We love you guys and miss Alivia. Love- Lyndon and Jamie

From my cousin Sarah

2007-08-27T20:02:00.000-04:00

My memorial to the beautiful Livi Living hundreds of miles away from Livi meant that I did not get to enjoy nearly as much time with her as many of you who have been touched by her story. In her short life, I have seen Livi only a handful of times and I was never truly privileged to have entered her circle of trust. From what little time I did have with Livi, I remember two things the most. The first thing was that this child was so smart and determined. I remember the last time I saw her (in Indiana, a few weeks before her transplant) she had gotten a new doctor kit and performed exams on her animals again and again, each time making sure to go through all of the steps in the appropriate order. Livi always seemed so in tune with things, so perceptive, so impressive. I have the best polaroid from that day, of her standing by the couch in Gigi and Pa's living room... it's special to me because it has a big yellow blob in the middle from Livi bending while waiting for it to develop. The other thing I remember most about Livi was that she had this power to make everyone fall for her. Livi was the youngest guest at my wedding last summer and when we got the pictures back there were at least a half dozen of her. The photographer and everyone else there could not keep their eyes off of this adorable girl in her little white dress. Though Livi was never quick to open herself up to just anyone, everyone wanted to be near her. Emily's blog and how far it reached is proof that Livi was truly someone special. Livi had the power to change all of our lives in little ways. I didn't get to spend much time with Livi, but her passing made me realize just how important family is and how proud I am to be an Allen, my family is amazing. I was and still am amazed by the strength and courage that Emily and James and my entire family has shown. Having Emily as the oldest of our generation of Allens made her a role model for me my entire life and seeing her grow to become such a loving, giving, and strong mom and woman has only made me look up to her more. Seeing the love that Emily and James will always have for Livi makes me certain that I want to be a mom some day, especially knowing that I have Emily as a role model to look to. The ladybug that is now tattooed on my wrist will not only remind me of sweet Livi every single day, it also serves as a reminder that life is really too short to dwell on the small things that go wrong throughout my days and that it is really important to try and enjoy every moment in my life. I only got to know "the cutest girl around" a little bit, but she touched me every day of her life and will continue to affect me for the rest of mine. Love,Cousin Sarah

From Carol

2007-08-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

I only had the pleasure of knowing precious Livi for five months – while she was in the hospital. However, in those five short months, I absolutely fell in love with this charming, funny, sweet, adorable little girl (and her family!) How could I not? I took care of Livi nearly every day I worked, and she very quickly became my favorite patient on the floor (heck, my favorite patient of all time). I have many, many memories of Livi and if I put them all in this tribute, it would be five pages long, so I’ll talk about some of my favorites.

I loved watching that little girl being pushed around the ENTIRE hospitalin her pink car by her wonderful family while they talked to her, sang to her, and in general made her happy. She loved that little pink car covered in duct tape, and if the person pushing her (usually Pa and Gigi, while Emily got a little break) dared to stop pushing to, I don’t know, talk to someone (more often than not, me) in the hallway, she would say “GO!” and point her chubby little adorable finger forward. And she would keep saying “GO! GO! GO!” until they started pushing again.

One of my favorite parts of the night was when we would do her meds and put together her TPN (IV nutrition) tubing. Livi was the best little helper. She would sit on the bed or in Emily’s lap, and as I got garbage from the med syringes or the tubing, I would hand it to her and she would say “gahbage” (like a New Yorker – no “r”) and put it in the garbage bin. I find myself saying it now, not even thinking about it, and when people say “why do you say garbage like a New Yorker?” and I say “not like a New Yorker – like Livi!”

Just an example of how loved that little girl was (and is!!)…about a month or so into their stay here, Emily mentioned once or twice in her blog that Livi loved stickers. Before you knew it, that girl had more stickers than you would believe, and boy did she use them. Every day she would use stickers, usually making a sticker picture for someone she loved (I am the VERY proud owner of three!). She always had very specific designs in mind for each person, and if you would suggest a sticker outside the design, she would say “no,” put her hand up, and shake her head. One night, she was making something using Elmo stickers, and she RAN OUT of Elmo stickers. When Emily and I told her that were no more Elmo stickers, she just said “Pa…Elmo…” Like, duh, guys…call Pa, he’ll get more Elmo stickers. At one in the morning. The thing is, if we had called him to get more stickers, he would have. That man would move heaven and earth to make that little girl happy. A love like Pa had for Livi I have never seen on this earth. Every day, Pa, Gigi, Emily and James, along with the entire family, were a living example to me of perfect love, and that has remained with me even now.

I can’t even tell you how many hours I spent in her room playing with her, talking to her and loving her. She was the first person I went to see every day when I came to work. I loved walking into the room and hearing “it’s Cayrol!!!!!” (that’s how she said it…CAYrol). I have so many wonderful, cute, funny memories of Alivia that I feel that the few I mentioned here don’t do her justice.

In the very short time I knew Alivia, she (and her amazing, wonderful, loving family) affected me more deeply than any family I have ever cared for. I can not possibly put into words how much I love that little girl and her family. God could not have chosen a better set of parents than Emily and James for Livi to belong to for her short time with us. Livi was a very special little girl, sent to Earth for a reason. She touched every single person she came in contact with in some way or another, and she made the most of her little time. She was so full of life and so full of love, no matter how sick she was. She was a very brave little girl, and suffered more than any human should have to, but remained a fighter through it all. I am honored that I was able to be a part of her life and, like Manda said, feel privileged that I was there when her time on Earth came to a close. She could not have gone home to Jesus in a more peaceful way or more surrounded by love.

I think about Livi on a daily (usually many times daily) basis – she is never far from my thoughts. I miss her tremendously, but am comforted in knowing that she passed on knowing that she was so so loved. Livi will never know loneliness and she will NEVER know hate. That baby girl (BIG GIRL! – she was two (tyoo), after all) has never known and will never know anything less than absolute love. What a lucky, blessed girl.

Walking for a cure

2007-08-23T11:25:00.000-04:00

Today instead of a tribute I'm going to let you all know about a way you can make a tribute to Alivia. Coming up in September there are two different walks that will raise money. The first is called Light the Night and will be held on September 20th. It raises money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. The second is the 4 Miles for 4 Diamonds walk-a-thon being held on September 23rd. Please consider doing one or both of these walks in honor of Alivia. What a great thing to share with your child.

From Holly

2007-08-22T19:06:00.000-04:00

Here are Holly and Livi at our last visit to clinic before we went into the hospital for transplant. Livi had a long day and for once didn't want her picture taken. But this in no way represents how she felt about Holly. She loved Holly like Holly loved her.

My favorite Livi memory.... I don't know that I have one special memory of Alivia but rather a collection. Sweet Livi was a patient near and dear to my heart. I looked forward to every clinic visit that she (and her "entourage") made. I enjoyed the opportunity to care for and know the Livi clan. I first got to know Livi by making sure she had stickers after the "sticking" was done. I enjoyed trying to get her to smile and talk with us, even if it was signing. I enjoyed hearing the stories Emily would tell of the new things that Livi had done & learned. I enjoyed the "happy & pink steroid" Livi. I enjoyed the "playing possum" Livi. I could go on & on, I feel blessed to have known & care for Livi...I miss Livi ,Emily and "the clan". They were a truly special family that touched my heart and I will always remember.

a big Livi fan, nurse Holly from clinic

From Melissa

2007-08-21T17:11:00.000-04:00

"When I first started working with Dr. Powell, I couldn't wait to get to know Alivia Haughery because I had heard so many wonderful things about her, and her family! I loved waiting on Thursdays for Livi to come into clinic, followed by her faithful family! She was always dressed so beautifully in her dresses, and her smiling face lit up the entire room! Livi always had stickers with her, and made her little stop at the toy chest after her port was accessed! No matter what Livi had to have done, she was always this bright, beautiful, blond baby girl whose smile made my day! Livi and her family were one of the most amazing families I have ever been lucky enough to care for. Emily's stories about Livi's new adventures were always fun to hear about, and I loved seeing the pictures of Livi during transplant that Emily had captured on camera! Most of all, I enjoyed getting to know Livi and her family. They were an inspiration to me as a caregiver, and my life is richer because of knowing Livi and her family." Love, Nurse Melissa Roslevege

From Sonya L.

2007-08-20T15:16:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite memories with Livi was in the hospital. Jackson had given her some Barbi want-a-be's from the dollar store and they came with some less then appropriate outfits that you could change along with some accessories like shoes and scarves. Livi wanted to make new outfits for them but she had a little trouble getting the tiny shirts and pants on and off, so I was helping her. I would purposely put together outfits that didn't match and she was so funny about it. She just looked at me like I was crazy and then looked back down at what she was holding and shook her head as she said "no" with a sigh. But then when I held up something that did match she would say "mmm...yeah". Her facial expressions were priceless, so grown up! We went on and on like that for a half hour or so until it was time for stickers...which she was fully capable of handling herself and no longer needed my assistance.

From April S.

2007-08-17T14:54:00.000-04:00

Alivia and her two best friend Samual and Grace who's Mommy wrote this tribute.

Sweet Alivia,
I remember the day you were born so clearly. I couldn't wait to get to the hospital to see you. You were a miracle. You were so round and so cute right from the start. Your Dad was holding you so proudly. You had an opinon right from the beginning....there was no way you were taking that pacifier!
My memories of you are of busy days together whether it was going for long walks, shopping,swimming or playing together at home. You loved to be out and about. You always had an attention to detail in your play. Whether it was how the ponies' hair was brushed or seperating all of the pretend food into piles. I remember being amazed at how you could pick up the tiniest object with that amazing pincer grasp you had so early. You always seemed older than you actually were. Especially when you would babble these long sentences moving your head and hands to emphasis your point. So cute.
I will treasure those times...those memories of a simple day playing together. You will always be the bravest and stongest girl that I know. To be able to endure so much and be so happy still amazes me. I still can't wrap my mind around that you are gone forever. Samuel and Grace can't either. They miss their playmate...their friend.
You will always hold a special place in all of our hearts.
We love you,
April

By Nurse Manda

2007-08-16T11:37:00.000-04:00

When asked to write this memorial, I was absolutely thrilled. I was so excited to get everything I wanted to say about Livi down on paper. Then I started writing and the task became so daunting. How would I ever be able to possibly express how much I love her and how, in four short months, she changed my life? Would my words be good enough for her? It certainly wasn’t a struggle to find things to write about her because I have hundreds of memories. The memories are so vivid that I can find myself right back in room 7260.
Some people would never believe that you could fall in love with someone and have them change your life to the extent that Livi changed mine. I may not have truly understood it either, but then I met Livi. Livi was just the most incredible, bright, funny, smart, lovely little girl. She was also so very brave. No child should have to endure the things that Livi went through, but she remained happy and so full of love every day.
I had the wonderful honor of being one of Livi’s nurses over the long four months that she spent in the hospital for transplant. Every morning I would go in her room to assess her and it always ended up that I stood beside her crib watching her sleep. Those are some of my most precious memories. I would watch the rise and fall of her adorable belly, the smile that always seemed to be on her face, and the way she always held her “friends” so close to her as she slept. I would stand there forever just brushing her hair from her forehead, smiling, because I knew how truly blessed I was to be a part of her life.
Evening was delightful for me because it meant bath time! There was nothing I loved more that letting Livi help me unhook all of her tubies, and then she would put on her little visor and get in the tub. I loved this so much because it meant that my part was coming up! As soon as she finished, I would be waiting with one of her bath towels, and I would get to snuggle her and keep her warm while Emily found the perfect pajamas for that night. Every second that I got to hold her was such a special treat.
Days were long and so full of things to do and memories to be made. There was dancing, CinderElmo, Barbies, stickers and, of course, teasing Gigi! I was always so happy being in Livi’s room. Spending time with her was such a joy and being treated as part of the family was so special. Even getting Livi’s blood pressure was fun because, many times, she would hold my hand until it was over. Who wouldn’t love that?! I will never forget the day she learned how to say my name. She was trying so hard and was so close, and then I started to leave the room and she just blurted it out! We were all so excited, and I was so proud. Soon, I went on vacation and she didn’t get to see me for quite a few days. When I got back, Emily told me that Livi had been watching TV and she started squealing and saying “Manda!” Emily told me that Cameron Diaz had been on TV and Livi saw the blonde and thought it was me! My name quickly turned into Manda Blue because of my love of the color and Livi started picking out only the blue M&Ms and eating those! Silly girl!
There are hundreds of stories and memories and things to say about Livi that are precious mementos that I get to hold onto. I was honored to be a part of her treatment from the beginning and I was privileged to be there when her journey with us was over. I am grateful every day for each second that I spent with her. I am a better person because of her and my life will, most certainly, never be the same. I will never have another Livi, and I will never again have a second family like I have in hers. Thei r intense love and unshakable faith are things that I will always admire. I will always remember Livi. She will never fade because her spirit was always so vibrant, and the impact that she has had on so many lives will be her legacy. The love that she had was a direct reflection of the incredible family that she was born into and they are people that I look up to every day. Livi was so brave and so strong for so long. I am comforted that she did not lose her battle because she changed and affected so many lives. I am saddened because the sun doesn’t shine as bright without her. I am determined to not let her fight be forgotten. You are in my heart every second, Livi Lou…I love you…

From Leslie Y.

2007-08-15T11:53:00.000-04:00

Livi with some of her best friends, including Eden and Aksel who's mommy wrote this tribute.

Since the day Livi died I have tried to think of how I would remember her short life. How would I keep her memory alive to my children? I thought of times in the pool, lunches out, play dates at the park, stroller rides through the mall and my children who just couldn't seem to keep their hands off of her. And, as I recall these memories of Livi I guess I try to put myself in her shoes. What did she experience in her short little life?

That is when the tears start. She went through more than most adults do in a lifetime. She was a fighter. She was tough. And most of all...she was LOVED! The very thing that most adults long for, search for and work toward in their allotted 70+ years; Livi experienced lavishly in her brief two. Emily, your child knew without one shadow of a doubt that you loved her. She was covered by you 24 hours a day. She was never lonely. She was always cared for excellently. James you could tell that she was the apple of your eye by the way you lit up when you looked at her. And, even after long hard days at work, you went to her without complaint. And, she was lavished with love by grandparents that all but dropped their lives to be by her side throughout those tumultuous 4 1/2 months. And, friends.....she had walls of pictures and drawings and posters to remind her that she was never far from the hearts, minds and prayers of hundreds. Livi was LOVED.

So, that is my tribute, memorial; a recognition of the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who gave so many the ability to love so much and a little girl who was able to experience it all in only 2 years.

Love, Les

From Angie S.

2007-08-14T20:36:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of Livi and her friend (and mine) Ang. Livi is saying "cheese". This picture was taken about a week before we entered the hospital.

Precious Livi~
I have so many memories with you. Starting on the day that you were born. It was a Sunday, & after the message was preached, the pastors announced that “James & Emily just had a baby girl”. I remember tears streamed down my face because your conception was a miracle& in that moment of hearing about your “arrival”-God touched my heart with His faithfulness.
Even when you were a small baby, you had opinions about who was holding you. Your mom would try to hand you to me in the most inconspicuous ways so that you wouldn’t cry. I was always looking for these moments! We would often go out for lunch or shopping and I was always amazed by you. You did SO good in public. (& your mom did so good at keeping you entertained) But, it always felt like the “3 of us”. You interacted with us & had so much personality way before you could even talk. You stole my heart with your precious sign language too!
I had fun times with you watching fire works at Longs Park & swimming at the pool. I have pool pictures of you with your cool sunglasses & big floppy hat. You & I loved playing with my cat (even though your mom hates cats & tried not to touch it.)
The memories of visiting you at Hershey are sweet to me too. I usually couldn’t come home without a picture or a painting drawn very meticulously by you. I was always amazed at your strength when you were sick. You were an example to me because even if you were in pain or uncomfortable or not keeping your food down, you just proceeded to play and acted like it didn’t phase you!
There are days when it’s still hard for me to comprehend that you aren’t here, but now you aren’t uncomfortable or sick anymore. For that I am so thankful. And I am also very thankful for all of the joys you shared with me and the memories that I will always carry in my heart. I luv you Livi!

Love, Ang

By Steve Murphy.

2007-08-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

Baby Wivvy
Each night for so long our daughter Lydia has prayed for Ian, for another friend of hers (Ainsley), and for "Baby Wivvy." If we missed one of them, she insisted that we pray for them. Sadly, Alivia passed away this afternoon.

Until our experience with Ian, I couldn't have understood the sadness her parents and grandparents and other family members must feel right now. But, the memories of the sadness we felt those first couple days following his accident haven't faded. We thought we had lost him, and we thought it was only a matter of moments before the doctor came in with the news of Ian's departure into heaven. No analogy can capture the intensity of the sadness; no words can express it.

When I got the news this afternooon when I got home from work, I looked straight in Ian's face and told him again that I loved him. I told him how much I wanted him back.

We're all praying for Baby Wivvy's parents and grandparents and family now. I'm praying that they would find rest in the only One who can comfort them.

From our great friend Andy L.

2007-08-12T15:03:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite Livi memories was the night you, James, John, William, Sonya, and I all went to Character's for your birthday. Livi was on some steroid that made her hungry and she ate at least 9 or 10 tubes of Blues Clues yogurt. She was so happy and smiley that night too. There wasn't one time I looked at her that evening that she wasn't smiling. That's the Livi I always remember when I think of her. All smiles, half covered in yogurt, and making the sign-language gesture for "more".

From Jess S.

2007-08-11T11:40:00.000-04:00

Jess wrote this on her blog shortly after Alivia died. She is the mother of Nyah (who is in the photo with Livi and who Livi was in love with. She called her NyNy) and the wife of Neil (who we've both been friends with since we were kids) and my great friend.

For those of you who may not know, some very good friends of ours had their precious baby girl pass away this past friday (july 6th) after a long battle with Luekemia. She was two years old and super cute! We only wish we could have had more visits with the Haughery family. Thank you for everyone who has been praying for James and Emily and Alivia when most of you didnt even know who they were. They are trusting in the Lord now that their baby girl is in a better place and its such a blessing to see how James is taking care of Emily and really being a strength for her through this very hard time. I really commend them for their faith through out this whole process and the way that they unconditionally loved Livi through all the hardest times imagineable. Please continue to pray for them, that God would overwhelm them with a peace and that they would be cared for by family and friends.

By Nora (who many Livi's quilt)

2007-08-10T13:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Alivia,
I remember the night I met your mom at Indiana University of Pennsylvania when I was fourteen and trying to be as cool as her. I remember your dad at ten running around shirtless with the Walker boys playing football in the rain. I remember your parents wedding and how cold it was that October day. And I remember what chair I sat in the day your mom called me from the hospital to tell me that you were born. I remember your sweet pudgy feet and hands at my bridal shower when you came with your Mom. I remember all the joy your little laughs brought me as I read about your antics across the distance. I remember how I prayed for you as I stitched your quilt together. I will remember your little life and the way it touches so many even through you were suffering. We love you Livi and will miss you dearly.
Alivia Rachel Haughery went to be with the Lord on Friday, July 6th, 2007.

Tributes

2007-08-09T23:52:00.000-04:00

I've decided to post some of the things others have said about Alivia since she died. Many of our friends have blogs and wrote something the day after and others have shared amazing things at her memorial or funeral. I have asked some people if I could post them on my blog. Starting now and going for the next week or so I hope to post what my friends/family share with me.

Here is what my friend Christi wrote on her blog. Christi and I went to high school together and lost touch after graduation but since have gotten in touch again. Thanks for your words Christi.

I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine, He said ...

For you to love while she lives ... and mourn for when she's dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three, but will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me? She'll bring her charms to gladden you. And shall her stay be brief, you'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from Earth return. But there are lessons, taught down there, I want this child to learn. I've looked the wide world over in search for teachers true, And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.

Now ... will you give her all your love ... nor think the labor in vain? Nor ... hate me when I come to call ... to take her back again?

I fancied that I heard you say ... “Dear Lord, it will be done! For all the joy Your Child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter her with tenderness. We'll love her while we may, And for the happiness we've known ... forever grateful stay.

“But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes ... and try to understand.”*unknown author

I will spend the rest of my life striving to give my children everything that Alivia's parents managed to provide to her in just over 2 years. There are many thing in this world I struggle to make sense of and this has been added to the list...

Sweet peace, sweet Livi.

From Pa

2007-07-30T11:05:00.000-04:00

On behalf of James, Emily, and all of our families we would like to thank all who attended our Livi Memorial, Saturday, July 28 in Indiana. You helped make this a memorable evening for us. Please continue to pray for James and Emily as they are as desperate for your prayers now as they were when praying for sweet Alivia.

Many have asked our family where they could donate in honor of our precious little Livi. We greatly benefited from The Four Diamonds Fund at the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center. For information about The Four Diamonds Fund go to www.hmc.psu.edu/fourdiamonds/ and read about the foundation and how you may donate. After reading The Four Diamonds Fund go to the sidebar and click Supporting the Four Diamonds Fund. James and Emily will receive a card indicating that a donation was made by you on behalf of Livi.

If you have not yet gotten the chance to please consider becoming a bone marrow donor. Getting registered is as easy as swabbing the inside of your cheek but the actual donation could save a life. Also if you are pregnant please consider donating your cord blood to the registry. It is free and will be used to help a child. Go to marrow.org for more information.

Many of you have also asked how you can help James and Emily. First and foremost, as I mentioned above, please pray for them. Also, I would humbly ask that you consider a monetary gift to them. They would not ask themselves, but a loving Pa and Gigi can. James has worked tirelessly for months renovating their home for Livi's homecoming, and they could use your help. Send it to James and Emily Haughery, PO Box 374, Brownstown, PA 17508 Thank you, Pa

Memorial Info

2007-07-17T18:03:00.000-04:00

In loving memory of our precious little Livi, there will be an open house on Saturday July 28 from 6:00 to 9:00 in the Indiana Junior High School auditorium. All family friends and well wishers are welcome. Plan to be there at 7:00 as the family will be sharing some fun Livi memories. Starting at 6:00 and immediately following the sharing time there will be an opportunity to meet the most courageous, loving parents in the world. Looking forward to seeing you there. Livi's Pa

Indiana Memorial

2007-07-13T11:45:00.000-04:00

We are currently planning to have a memorial service/reception in Indiana on Saturday, July 28th from 6-9. The location details are not final yet so please check back early next week.

Also the family has requested if you post a comment to please sign your name. Thank you

Information

2007-07-07T18:04:00.001-04:00

The viewing for Alivia will be held Sunday, July 8th from 6-8 and Monday, July 9th from 2-4 at the Charles Snyder Funeral Home (3110 Lititz Pike Lancaster, PA)

The funeral will be held Tuesday, July 10th at 10:30 AM at Westminster Presbyterian Church ( 2151 Oregon Pike, Lancaster, PA)

There will be a private burial service.

There will be a reception following the service at Westminster Presbyterian Church for all who attend the funeral.

Day +118 part 3

2007-07-06T17:07:00.000-04:00

On March 20th, 2005 the Lord blessed us with the baby we had waited so long to have. She was chubby and loud and the best thing we have ever done. Today, July 6th, 2007 at 2:45 she want home to be with the Lord.

We are undone.

Day +118 part 2

2007-07-06T13:03:00.000-04:00

We had our final conversation with the doctors a little bit ago. At this point it is unfair to continue to force her little body to try to work. We will be ending all life support and getting to hold her one last time. Please pray that it will be peaceful, that she won't feel pain and that we will be able to handle this. I love my girl with all my heart.

Day +118 (part 1)

2007-07-06T08:23:00.000-04:00

I have a feeling I will post throughout the day..it gives me something to do when I feel helpless. I only saw her breifly so far today (didn't go to bed till after 3:30 so I am planning on taking a nap). They are having a hard time keeping her oxygen level up. I didn't get a chance to talk to the doctor. They don't do rounds till anywhere between 9 and 12.

This is a strange way to do this but there are some people who it would be nice to see and so I"m going to post your names. If you are on this list and can make it up to visit sometime in the next few days (friday, saturday, sunday, monday) that would be nice. Know we might not see much of each other but just knowing you were here would be nice. There are tons I know who would like to come visit I know.

Corey and Kathy Booker
Scott and Ang Stolzfus
Dwayne and Tina Lapp
Lyndon and Jamie Sentz
Josh and Bekah Landis
Vic and April Spinetti
Leslie and Jeff Yoder
Andy and Sonya Long
Josh and Jess Stoppard
Brent and Christine Davis
Jason and Darcy Smith
Jon and Kelly Christman
Sipe and Danielle
Jacob Campbell
Neil and Jess Smart
Joe and Kelly Walker (I know you were here last night Joe but if you want to come again feel free. It ment so much that you were here.)
Rachel Kennedy
Briana and Lawrence Almengore
Mark, Kristi and Beth Altrogge
Erin Wallwork
Ryan and Hollis Mellinger
Andy and Amy Knutsen
Leslie Malito
Any and All Allen family members
Any and all Haughery family members

Know if you have even the slightest cold or have been around someone with the slightest cold coming wouldn't be a good idea. Please don't come right now if you are not on this list. This may not be a complete list. Dont' everyone come tonight. I know that its friday night and might be easy to all come but over the next few days it would be nice to have visitors. Feel free to e-mail me or call my cell phone to say when you'll arrive. I may not answer so just leave a message.

Day +117

2007-07-05T22:09:00.000-04:00

Livi is currently being put on a ventilator in the PICU. Today her breathing just got worse and worse. It isn't a lung thing but instead because her liver is huge and pressing on her lungs. Also her throat is constricted.

She will be on for anywhere from 1 to 2 weeks. They said we will know within the first week whether or not she is going to make it. She will get chemo and rituxin and we will continue to cut her immune suppression. If it is going to take care of the lymphoma we will know shortly. Otherwise she will not make it.

Day +115

2007-07-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

Today was rough...rough, rough, rough. I spent a large amount of time crying. It started with little to no sleep last night and got worse as the day progressed.

Last night Alivia had a fever. Not a strange thing for a transplant patient. Only problem is she is already on every antibiotic and anti fungal. All her blood cultures have been negative for weeks so its nothing bacterial. Throughout the night and day her breathing was fast and her fever came and went. She hasn't thrown up since yesterday but is frequently gagging on the drainage from her nose. She is so tired from not much sleep but can't really seem to get comfortable. There were nurses and docs in and out all day checking on her resporation rate. We ended up testing her blood gas. The test was to see how much carbon dioxide was in her blood. If the level is high that means her lungs aren't able to clear the carbon dioxide which is a clear sign of respitory failure. If she goes into respitory failure then she would have to go the the intesive care unit and be put on a ventilator. If that happens chances are she would never come off. To keep her on the ventilator would require steriods and that is what we are trying to get out of her system so she can fight the lymphoma. It is a thin line we are walking. Thankfully the test came back showing it wasn't carbon dioxide but instead she was acidodic (don't know how to spell it) meaning her PH is compensating for a part of her body that is making too much acid (or something). Too much for me to understand. In the time we were waiting for the results to come back we had a very serious talk with one of the doc's (one of the one's we really like) about what to do if she stops breathing, whether or not we would resusitate, when is enough enough and so on. I could hardly breath throughout the talk. James and I have some serious things to discuss. She is still holding her own but as the docs have said we are on the tip of a two edged sword. Tomorrow we will get the results back from Mondays EBV test. If the EBV level is up from last week then that means they will have to figure out something new to do because the chemo must not be working.

We need prayer...we need a miracle...we are desperate.

Day +113

2007-07-01T12:47:00.000-04:00

The last few days have continued to be a roller coaster. Our doc spent the entire day friday trying to figure out what woud be the absolute best route to take in treating the lymphoma. She talked to experts across the country and they all said the same thing....get rid of the immune suppression and hopefully Alivia's T-cells will take over again and she will get better. we agreed with the her. The only reason for the immune suppression is to keep the GVHD at bay...the GVHD has been "silent" for over a month now. And we have clinical proof that there isn't any (the endoscopy and colonoscopy) so as our doc said "we can't be afraid of the thing she doesn't have (GVHD), we need to be afraid of the thing she does have"

So over the next week or so we will be completely off of immune supression. That means no more steriods or cyclosporin. THat means her dark eyebrows will go away, she will not be puffy and hopefully her little T-cells will get smart and help her get better.

She did have another dose of chemo yesterday. No rituxin (which is the 10 hour infusion) and no pherisis. Her IGM is still going up slowly but her Viscosity is coming down... doens't make a whole lot of sense but thats okay. Her marrow made platelets on its own for the first time in a long time Friday...then back down yesterday with the chemo and back up a bit today. MAking platelets is a good sign. There will be a lot of watching and waiting over the next few weeks.

Please pray the GVHD continues to stay silent (a flare at this point would be fatal). Prya that her stomach heals enough for feeds. Pray that her t-cells become EBV specific and get rid of the lymphoma. Pray for healing.

Thanks to
the Mike's for the magnet games, stickers (which she used completely already), the Starbucks and Visa cards. You guys are amazing.
Jude Garner for the card
Julie and Dan Garnder for cleaning. Hear it looks nice
Maryann Kisic for the stickers
Marmie...Livi loves the picture of you and Elmo. She looks and it and says Elmo and then points to you and we ask is that Marmie? and she says "yea"
Rick and Deb Gilgore for both of the cards
Sue Forry for the car
GIna Bryant for the stickers
Joe Capp for the gift card and stickers.

We are constantly overwhlemed by the practical love we are shown. Thanks everyone.

Day +110

2007-06-28T12:57:00.000-04:00

I really need to stop getting excited by "good" days. Seems like there is always something harder around the corner. Livi has been getting feeds the last few days to try to get stomach to work. Instead it was just making her throwup over and over. SO they stopped them. Her stomach may be parallized by the one chemo drug (should go away with time) or some other med is causing the problems. Regardless she will be getting an NJ tube. Her NG tube will be removed and a new tube that completely passes her stomach and goes to the top of the intestines will be placed. She will have to be under anesthesia for it because they will need to us some machine to watch and make sure the placement is right.

Also her IGM and EBV levels have started to rise again which means this is most definelty a full blown lymphoma. Or doc will be researching the correct chemo to take care of it. This is the beginning of yet another battle we didn't want to face. Lymphoma is a hard cancer to fight.

Day +108

2007-06-26T10:44:00.000-04:00

Livi is so glad to have the pherisis cathedar out of her leg. She was sitting up within 15 mins of coming out of anesthesia. It has made such a huge difference to her mood too. She constantly wants to do stickers and is making jokes. It is so good for all of us to see her happy. I will get a photo later today because with the steriod taper she is starting to look more and more like Livi! Her eyes are clearer than they have been in months.

The CT showed NO blockage, no swelling and smaller lymph nodes... All really good things. there is fluid in the coils of her intestines which could be just from the slow motility, C-Dif or GVHD. So far the C-Dif tests are all negative and her stooling hasn't increased so we are hopeful it isn't GVHD (pray hard it isn't...another flair would be fatal) Her stomach appeared smaller than it should be and could be a result of all the anti-nausea meds she is on. So we are trying to cut them out and add feeds. This will mean more throwing up for a while but could help to kick her stomach into gear. She really needs healing in her stomach. She hasn't actually eaten anything in probably about 6 weeks. I can't imagine not using your belly for that long.

Livi has started to play possum when someone talks to her. She closes her eyes and sits there until they go away. She sometimes peeks out just a bit to make sure they are gone then gets right back to her day. It is so silly. We all love that she is playing and doing new things to make us laugh. She even did it to Pa when he got back from Indiana yesterday. It only lasted about 2 seconds with him though.

James is feeling better. He still isn't going into the room with her because her WBC's are so low from the chemo. Oh her RBC's came up a bit on their own. We were expecting a transfusion today but won't need it since her marrow is starting to make cells again. Also her WBC's are slightly increased.

All in all most of the news was good. We needed some good news. I am not getting overly excited because I"m always nervous of the next hurdle but I am so thankful that God gave us some good news right when we needed it.

We are also excited because our little friend Jackson comes back today. Not excited that he needs to come back but selfishly excited to see him again. He has 2 more rounds of chemo both of which are tough. Please include him in your prayers as the next few weeks go by. He is tough and has done a great job so far. We expect nothing less from this round.

Thanks to my Uncle Rob (Livi's GUR...Great Uncle Rob) for the stickers. She used all the fuzzy ones already. Love you

Day +106

2007-06-24T21:08:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow Livi will have pherisis in the morning (unless by a miracle her IGM is low) and then have a CT scan, her NG tube replaced (while under anesthesia) and have her pherisis cathedar removed. The thought is that they will remove it and then if she needs more pherisis put a new one in her other leg. The cathedar usually remains in for a week, she has had hers for 2. So it needs to come out before it gets infected. Pray we don't have to get another one, that we get that miracle and the IGM stays low. Also pray that her WBC's start to rebound from the chemo. She is getting GCFS to boost her WBC's every day now. They are very low (1.7) and the chemo is affective for 10 days after it is given (Tomorrow is 10 days).

Thanks to
Uncle John for the stickers and card
Uncle Andrew for the stickers
The Privitera's for the yummy chocolate
Sonya and Hollis for taking are of business.

Day +105

2007-06-23T12:41:00.000-04:00

Alivia will get pherisis AGAIN today. Her IGM more than doubled since yesterday. She only slept about 2 hours last night due to belly pain and gas. It was so hard to watch. If she continues we will have a CT on monday to rule out a hematoma in her intestines from the endoscopy. During the anesthesia they will also pull her pherisis cathedar. It can only be in a week and Alivia's has been in for almost 2. Then she will have another one placed in the other leg.

She has been puking and going to the bathroom over and over. It seemes as if we take one small step forward only to come falling backwards. I'm tired, Livi is tired, James is tired (and sick at home this weekened). We could use some good news, some relief.

Day +103

2007-06-21T19:18:00.001-04:00

PTLD is a rollercoaster. It is never the same from case to case. Ours is all over the place. Some days the numbers look encouraging (in fact one day they were all but normal...unfortunetly that was an error on the labs part). Yesterday her IGM was down even more than right after the pherisis on tuesday. That was encouraging but then today it was double Wednesdy's number. What to think I dont' know. It may be another error. Regardless they always assume a number that is very bad is true and often question a number that is good. So she got pherisis again. It went fine. We are praying that tomorrow and Saturday's IGM and Viscosity numbers are stable or lower so that she can get the cathader out. It is a direct line for infection. She currently has both a Gram + and Gram - infection so we need to get that line out ASAP. It is all a matter of weighing what is better...get the line out to keep infection at bay but risk not being able to pherisis if the numbers get bad again. They don't want to put in another line so they will keep this one till they dont' need it anymore. All in all a crazy balancing act.

She is on 3 new antibiotics and they are making her nauseous. She has throw up for the first time in a while today. It is so hard because she can't sit up because of the pherisis cathedar.

Thanks to Andrew for the post card, the Bookers for the great burgers and Jake for being hilariously fun. We miss you already

Day +101

2007-06-19T11:53:00.000-04:00

We are past 100 days post transplant. Crazy. That is supposed to be a huge marker for whether or not the graft worked. Obviously it did but that is not the problem anymore.

The chemo didn't do what the expected. We are still hopeful that it will start to work. But her Viscosity was very high today and her IGM went up quite a bit in the last few days. It is over 8000 now. She had pherisis again today. Usually they don't leave pherisis catheders in for longer than a week because the risk of infection increases each extra day so that is another new concern. After todays pherisis I helped the pherisis nurse change the dressing on the entrance site. WE got Livi some morphine beforehand cause the whole area is sore.

Yesterday my dad and I (and a friend) went to the funeral for Katie Mae. It was all in German. I didn't understand 99% (there was an english word every once in a while) but I understood the heart behind it and the feeling. It was extremely peaceful and I felt it was beautiful. It was hard to be a funeral for someone who had passed away from the same treatment that Alivia is getting. I know Katie's leukemia was a different kind but it is still hard to see a transplant fail. I feel for the family. They are such a sweet, kind, positive family and I will miss seeing them each day.

I know God is able to do miracles. I know that Livi could be healed tomorrow and that is my prayer. It is so hard to watch her suffer day after day. It is hard to get the numbers back each day and have them be worse than the day before. I hate that she knows what each and ever beep means, she looks at me through tears sometimes and says "no hurt" and it rips my heart out. THis miracle is taking a long long time.

Thank you for the stickers from..
The Regiembal family...miss you guys
Gordon Stolzfus
Ang and Scott
Monica Coffey
Matt and Monjet Haughery (and cutie boys)
Jeff and Sue Anderson
Jeremy and April Stolzfus (Lane and Ava too)
Mike Gerhard and coworkers
Briand and Holly Wadding
Lisa Evans

Thanks to
the Pete's for the generous gift
the Parrow's for the Lowe's gift card
The Camp's for the cute Elmo shirt,doll and tissues and for the starbuck's cards
Georgann Kachur for the book and coloring book.

We are blessed by each and ever single peice of mail we get!

To my 2 favorite Dads

2007-06-17T00:57:00.001-04:00

Happy Father's day. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank my 2 favorite dad's

1st to my dad. Your wisdom and guidance has made me who I am today. You are a servant always. I am amazed daily by the way you lay down your life for "your girls". Livi is blessed to have you as her "Pa", her little face lights up when you walk in the room. I would not be able to go through all this without you here with us. Thank you for putting up with me when I'm grouchy, for reassuring me when I'm scared, for loving Livi, James and I so deeply. Your faith is evident in everything you do and you are such a Godly example to me and others. Even though the circumstances are horrible you manage to make each day a little brighter for all of us. You are cheerful, kind, loving and encouraging. Thanks Daddy. I love you

2nd to my husband. I fell in love with you even more the first time I saw you hold Alivia. There is a sparkle in your eye when you look at her and you are a tender, caring father. Thank you for serving Livi and I throughout this whole ordeal (and before). Thank you for working so hard to make our lives and our home more comfortable. Thank you for being so strong and steadfast in your faith. Thank you for striving to lead us well through this situation and our lives. I know this is not what we expected or dreamed but you are such a rock and are getting us through this. Thanks James. Livi and I love you more there are words to express.

I feel so blessed to have these amazing, Godly men in my life.

Day +98

2007-06-16T11:29:00.000-04:00

The chemo went fine. It is always uneventful during the actual infusion. She had chemo from 9-10 then a platelet transfusion from 10-11 then rituxin from 11-9 last night. It was a long day. She always starts to throw up about 24 hours after the rituxin starts. today was no exception. it is so hard with the pherisis catheder in to get her into a position where she can throw up. We didn't do a very good job the first time. hopefully all the anti-nausea meds will help there not to be a second time. Unfortunetly her IGM level still went up even though she had chemo so she has to keep the pherisis cathedar in and might have pherisis again tomorrow. Chemo takes a few days to really start to work for we'll see then if it is going to kill this secondary cancer.

Two days ago our dear Amish friends came back to the hospital late at night. Their daughter Katie Mae was too uncomfortable and couldn't keep oral pain meds down anymore. Katie Mae always hated the hospital and never wanted to come in so they knew she really must have felt bad when she asked to come. So they brought her in for IV morphine to keep her comfortable. They kept her as pain free as they could and this morning around 7:30 she went to be with the Lord. For her transplant she was in the room next to us and would always worry when she heard Alivia cry. She would want her mom to make sure Alivia was okay. We are blessed to have meet them and our lives are richer from their friendship. I am so sad for them. Pray for comfort, peace and grace for their family during this time.