5

Hard to believe she would have been 5 over the weekend. I wonder what she would have been like. Probably would have had a cell phone by now and would have Gigi and Pa on speed dial. Probably would still have her uncles wrapped around her little finger. She would be making them take her all over the place. And just imagine the artwork she would be making for her favorite people. I'm so sad that I don't get to see 5 year old Livi.
Happy Birthday my sweetpea. Momma couldn't miss you more! Smooches

My boy

Last year at this time I was anxiously awaiting the call to say your birth mom had gone into labor and I could come get your. I was also getting ready for my baby shower. I couldn't have been more excited and ready to see you, little man. Little did I know that I would get the call that very day. You came quickly and I got to hold you moments after you were born. I loved you the second I set eyes on you and couldn't wait to be your mommy.

Today you are one somewhere. It's been 11 months since I got to hold you, 11 long, lonely months. I wish I had a magic mirror into your world so I could check on you and make sure you are safe and sound. I miss you always. I wish I got to be the mommy who held you every day. Instead, I'm the mommy you'll never know you had, but the mommy who prays for you all the time. Love you so much little man.

2 years

My life changed so dramatically two years ago today, to the point where it became unrecognizable to me. Two years ago I held my baby girl for the last time. Two years is a long time. But I don't like to let that day define her. My brother-in-law said something the other day that rings true for me. He said that he felt bad for people who he has met since Alivia died. He felt bad because they just feel the sadness that she died and never got to know the joy of being around her. Because to us, who got to see that smile and hear that laugh, who got to be bossed around by her and received sticker covered gifts from her, who held her and smelled her and danced in her room, she isn't just the kid who lost her battle with leukemia. She is the most amazing little ladybug we ever knew. She is funny, sweet, cuddly, smart, brave and our favorite person.
Livi, I was lucky to be your mom. I got to spend more time with you than anyone and for that I will always be so greatful. I knew every little bit of you and you are in my heart and on my mind all the time. Not a second goes by that I don't wonder what you would say if you were with me right now. I love you and miss you too much to put into words.

Happy Birthday

Today you would have been 4 big girl and I know you would have helped me make your cake because (like me) you loved to bake. We miss you terribly and wish we could still hold you. Smooches from Mama and Da

From Leslie Malito Lanzilli

At Seaworld as teenagers

Dear Friends and Family of Emily and James,

My name is Leslie Lanzilli. Some of you may know me by my maiden name, Leslie Malito. I am one of Emily’s oldest friends. Our families have been friends since we were born. With the blessing of Emily & James, as well as the Allen family, I am temporarily taking over Emily’s blog. Like all of you out there, I have also religiously read Emily’s blog. Her journey to motherhood has been a painful one, and that is an understatement. When I heard that Griffin had been taken away from James and Emily my heart broke again for them and I wished that there was something I could do. I am sure many of you have felt the same way. Now there is something that we can do to help them start a family.

I have started a separate website that further explains how we can help James and Emily. If you are interested in learning more please visit the site http://www.hopeforthehaugherys.blogspot.com/ . James, Emily and the Allen/Haughery extended family hold your prayers to be more dear than anything else.

Leslie Lanzilli

Malito/Allen vacation to Idlewild Park

Photo shoot

When Griffin was still with us my friend Tina did a photo shoot with him. The pictures turned out amazing and I am so thankful that we have them now. I wanted to share a few of them.

It hasn't even been 2 months since he left us and each day gets harder instead of easier. I miss him terribly. We keep saying we miss our kids. I know there is a "plan" and that somehow this all works for God's good it's just hard to see sometimes. Wouldn't it be nice to get a letter in the mail that says "here is the plan. this is why this is happening" but that is what faith is. Believing in this you can't see.

Dec 24th

Tomorrow is Christmas, my favorite holiday. I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.


Our little moose.


Our little cowgirl on her last Christmas.